What She Never Knew

forgive us all

Dear C,

I tried looking for you, you weren't there. There was so much to be said, to be discussed, and to explore. I could make a list of all the things that were stuck in the back of my throat. I say this all with absolute truth.

We often wander looking for greatest stories in life. Only to realise we are part of it. Such was ours. We were a team. An absolute pair of thieves only to realise life had robbed more from us then we ever did.

This wasn't part of the deal. My doctor said I might die with such stress. That's funny.

We were good, the best even. Hiding our vices from the world. You taught me that; people have short sight, which is why we succeeded. The last win though had me twisting and turning at nights. It didn't feel like one. We lost. We lost our freedom. We lost our humanity with that one. We were stuck in that corner, not knowing what to do next.

You said we were never to meet again, or talk of it. We haven't.

Life has a way of throwing punches back at you. Consider this one of its punches. We should have called for help. We should have given our heist up.

I think back to that night. We were small time thieves. Under the radar was our thing. But that was low even for us.

Then our choices caught up on us. We didn't think straight – I doubt we ever did. I tried, but it didn't feel so right anymore. Everything was happening so fast but I was slow to realise what I had done. It was late. Over.

We got what we wanted, but the other thing was tied on to us like an anchor. Guilt.

It was us; we are tainted as long as we live.

No matter what, you think I am crazy. Maybe I am.

We ruined that. We were professional crooks, hiding under the beautiful night sky. There was no excuse for such mess. I think we rightly deserve our fate. But what if we hadn't chosen this life? What if we hadn't lost everything and not have found each other. Would we still be thieves? Who would be be?

These questions keeps me awake. Please know this, I would never rat you out. You have time and again in the past, saved my life. I would never let this out; I'd take this to the grave.

Condolences, A.