Loving Can Hurt

The Secret (Chapter 11)

"What?" He said, completely taken by surprise.

"I love you. I am in love with you. I never stopped loving you. I lied when I said I didn't love you anymore. I was just so afraid of getting hurt again that I didn't want to let you in but I love you. I love you. I love you so much and I don't want to hide it anymore. I want to be with you. I want us to be a family with Evelyn, I want us to be together forever. I want you. I love you. And I know you said you wanted us to be just friends but I don't. I can't just be your friend when I'm madly in love with you, I did it for two years and it almost tore me apart. And I don't care what the secret that you're keeping from me is anymore, because I love you. I love you with everything that I am. I. Love. You." I said letting out a deep breath and then suddenly he was kissing me.

A kiss more passionate than the first one we ever had. A kiss as if it was the last time that we'd be able to kiss. A kiss that completely takes your breath away. The kind of kiss that everyone dreams of having. The best kiss of my entire life.

"God, I love you." He said when we stopped kissing and I smiled. "But it's not fair, you deserve to know the truth." He said and got serious.

"We don't have to talk about it now." I said quietly.

"Before anything else, you deserve to know the truth. Come, come on inside." He said, then we walked into the apartment and we sat down on his couch.

"When my mom died-" he started to say but I stopped him.

"You don't have to do this." I said and grabbed his hand.

"But I want to, even though there is a chance that you won't forgive me after I tell you. I can't keep this from you anymore." He said and I started to get worried, I took a deep breath in defeat and signaled him to continue talking.

"When my mom died, I went into a really dark place and you know that but what you don't know is that-." He said and paused as if too afraid to say what he was going to say. "I-I became- I became a drug dealer." He finally said and I was filled with shock.

"W-what?" I managed to say with my voice shaking.

"I saw no other solution. My dad was drinking day and night and he got fired from his job so we had no other way to pay for bills and food and I had to provide for Sofia, she was so young."

"So the whole time we were together, you were drug dealing?" I said still in shock.

"No. No. No. I mean at first yes, I kept doing it because I felt like I had no other option but then when we started to get more serious I realized that that was not the life that I wanted to live. I saw a future with you and I knew that if I kept drug dealing it wouldn't be any good for anyone. I realized that I had other options and so I left. For a while things seemed to be okay, I didn't hear from them for a while but then reality hit and I realized that you can never truly leave the drug dealing business because they always come and use things against you to keep working for them. David, the leader he wanted me to keep drug dealing for him because he said that I did a great job and I made him a lot of money. I kept trying to tell him that I wouldn't do it anymore, that I didn't want to do it anymore but on the day of our graduation he came to me and he threatened you. He threatened everyone that I cared about so I did what I had to do to protect all of you. He told me that he was moving to New York and that I had to move there with him or he'd hurt you. That's why I broke up with you that night. That's why I told you that I didn't love you. That's why I left.." At this point I was in tears. He was protecting us, he was protecting all of us. He sacrificed himself and his happiness for our safety.

"So, if you're back now does that mean that it's over? What happened?" I said.

"When we got to New York, I went to the police and I told them everything. They let me be free and not go to jail if I helped them trap David and his people. So, I went into police training as I was undercover until we finally caught David last year."