Another City Of Lights.

Chapter 13.

Sam's POV:-

My mind is running in a thousand different directions and I can't form even a single coherent sentence. And it's even worse, because I know that I'm completely embarrassing myself infront of Aaron.
I'm trying to avoid his demanding glare but it's difficult now since he literally made me stop and made me turn around to look at him.

We're stood at the little clearing a few blocks from my house, where the neighbourhood garbage trucks dump their waste. I know it smells terrible but it's funny how neither of us are affected by it.
We must look like idiots to other people. Standing in a garbage dump a foot away from each other, neither of us talking.

I want to talk to him. I want to talk to him about so many things but I don't know how to answer these questions.
I don't know what he wants to hear, and I don't know what to tell him.

"What do you want to talk about?", I ask him, deciding to let him set the pace.
"Well, we can start with why you're being a bitch", He spits out, and turns away to pull out a cigarette from the pocket of his jeans.

I watch as he lights it up, and puts it between his lips, taking a long drag.
I know that it's none of my business, but it infuriates me, probably more than it should have, and I can't help but speak up.

"That's new", I know how much sarcasm is laced with my voice, but I don't care.
"What? This?", He gestures towards the cigarette; "you know I smoke", he adds.
"Well, you never carried them around like that before", I'm so angry at this moment that I can't keep my voice under control, and it catches him off-guard.
"So? You have a problem with it?", He keeps egging me on, it's definitely on purpose, I know all his moves.
"It's going to kill you", I roll my eyes at him, letting this one pass. I can't win anyway.

I silently watch him while he finishes off his cigarette, thinking about how to give him the answers he wants.

When he's finally done, he starts walking away and I'm left standing there, feeling like an idiot. I don't know if I'm supposed to follow him or not, but I do anyway.
I catch up with him, mainly because he slows down after I constantly plead him to, and just when I decide to speak up, he beats me to it.

"Look, it's your life and I know that, but we were never like this Sam, and it's unfair to us all what you're doing", He says, and I can't make out the emotion behind his words.
"I don't mean to", My voice is small, and weak, and pathetic.
"Even me?", He asks, without any emotion this time.
"I'm sorry", He's right, I am being a bitch.

I can't tell him. Even after looking at his face and being with him now after so long, I know I can't tell him. It's never been that way between us, and I only realised it after being away from him. The way I feel, he doesn't. He cares, that much is obvious, but I know how his mind works.

I decided a long time ago that I will do what's right. And I can't go back on my decision now.

The rest of the walk back home is silent. It feels like goodbye, like I'm never going to see him again. Like it will never be like this again. If he feels this too, he doesn't say it.
He doesn't say anything as he drops me off at my doorstep and turns around to walk away. And I stand there, hoping somewhere deep inside my heart that he will turn back, or that I'll call out to him.

But none of those things happen. Because this is reality, and sometimes people get what they want. Like me, for example, in this situation I got what I wanted, I ruined it all.