Another City Of Lights.

Chapter 27.

August, New York.

Sam's POV:-

I'm not sure what really is happening, but I don't like it one bit.
We've never actually fought, Remy and I. And now I'm not sure if this is a fight or not, but it's making me highly uncomfortable.

I'm seated on the edge of the bed, my pillow squished under my arms, wearing my most worn out pajamas, and I'm in a state of utter confusion.

Today, out of all the days, was supposed to be the most exciting day of my life. I wasn't expecting much, I never did, but I didn't expect it to turn out bad. It was a big deal for me, I was starting college from tomorrow. College. Here, in New York. To be honest, that topped every good thing that has ever happened to me so far.

But because I was a classic idiot, I hadn't actually informed Remy of some various little details regarding said college, and now he was kind of in shock, and/or anger. I didn't know which one of those was worse.

And it was a very peculiar thing to see Remy in this state, because I had never seen him act this way, atleast not with me.

He was currently just pacing, pacing really slowly, like he was trying to figure out what to say.
And I was just watching him do that, because I figured I had already done enough damage when I blurted out that I was going to be staying in the dorms as soon as he came home. Probably not my finest moment.

I was trying to distract myself, and was currently fiddling with my hair when Remy sighed. He looked at me with an expression that broke my heart, and walked slowly towards me. He knelt infront of me, and took my face in his hands.

"Why didn't you tell me?", He whispered, that same expression in his eyes.
"I'm sorry", I said, trying to avoid looking at him.
"Sam. You don't have to leave, I don't want you to leave", He was pleading now, and it was harder to look away.
"I'm not leaving you. I just wanted to experience everything here, you know that", I say slowly, hoping he understands what I'm trying to say.
"You're telling me one night before leaving Sam, it's not fair", He sighed.

I didn't know if I was being selfish, I probably was. I did feel guilty about this, but I had to do this for myself. I was grateful for him, so grateful, for everything that he had done for me so far, but I had to make my own way in to the world, I couldn't keep being dependent on him.

"Remy", I say again, "I have to do this on my own".
He sighs again, running a hand through his hair, and looks at me with a sad smile.
He doesn't reply to that, just slowly stands up, letting go of my hands, and walks in to the other room, closing the door behind him, and leaving me in the darkness.

For a while, I just keep sitting in that same spot, frozen in shock that he had actually walked out on me like that. I was furious, and I could feel tears stinging at the back of my eyes. I got up to turn on the light, and fell down on my face twice before I actually managed to find the switch.

I wanted to cry, I was furious at him for not understanding my point and I wanted to cry.
But instead, I finished packing my things, throwing in my hairbrush, my towel, a few other books, and an old jumper of Remy's which I was sure he wouldn't miss.
And then I just sat there, looking at my over-stuffed bag, and wondering if I wasn't making a mistake.

But what was my life now if I didn't take any risks? Wasn't my life completely based on the fact that I did everything spontaneously now? I had come too far to back out of it now. The only problem was that moving out this house was hurting me too. Because I had come to adore it, and the idea of living alone or with someone else was terrifying. But what good is living the life you've been given, if you just stand in one place, right?

There was another thing that was frightening me, and that was the fact that I was pretty sure I was falling in love with Remy. And that was shocking because I didn't even know what love was, what it meant. I believed everyone's idea of it was different, but I had no clue what I thought about it. I just knew that I liked him, more than I should.

And because of that very reason, I slipped out of the room after two hours of crying about it, and found him asleep on the couch. He was tall, taller than me, and apparently too tall to fit on that couch, because his legs were dangling off of it.

I squished myself between him and the couch, so that I was so close to him that I could smell the faint cologne on his shirt, and wrapped my arms around him. If this was the last night in this house, I would gladly spend it like this.

I almost broke down in to tears when I felt him pulling me closer, I hadn't even considered the possibility that he might be awake.
"I'm really going to miss this", He said against my hair, and I could feel my tears staining his shirt.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry", I said, overwhelmed and flustered.
"You know I love you, right?", I heard him say, and felt myself nodding against his shoulder.
"It's going to be okay", He said again, and I wondered if he was trying to convince me, or himself.

But nonetheless, I didn't move an inch away from that couch all night.