Crash - Guns N Roses Fanfiction

TWENTY THREE

(AN: happy friday! this is quite a long chapter. i find ive been writing much much longer chapters lately. anyway, i hope it's alright. also duff looks so gooooood in this pic.)

I awoke on a fluffy, unfamiliar mattress. Everything, I noticed, was so unknown and new in the house. I wondered how long it would take for me to get used to it.

The weight from the events of the night prior was heavy on my shoulders, and I knew that if I turned to the other side of the bed I would see Axl lying there peacefully. I could feel the dip of his body, and also remembered telling him I would spend the night with him, right as soon as we got to the house.

I remembered everything from yesterday.

Wished I couldn't.

I didn't want to disturb him--not to mention think of what we did last night--so I got carefully out of bed and immediately went into the ensuite to check out what I looked like, adjusted a few things, then proceeded downstairs.

No one was awake, for which I was glad. That meant I could think in peace.

I began to brew coffee. The machine was shinier than the one I had had before, and much more modern. I figured out how to use it easily, though, as it was pretty straight-forward. While I waited, seated at the island perpendicular to the coffeemaker, I lost myself in jumbled thoughts.

My eyes were caught on something in the distance, gazing absentmindedly out the window that displayed rolling hills and a gorgeous sunrise. I wasn't quite thinking--too tired--but I told myself I had to. I forced my mind awake. Got up to grab and peel a banana. I sat down again, finding it easier to play through the events that had occurred with something in my stomach, however small it may be.

The regret was overwhelming. What did I do? God, how could I face any of them after that?

I decided to abandon that and get some of the coffee. Maybe I could ponder about more than mistakes with caffeine in my system.

It worked--just barely. I tried to create solutions to the problem, but to nearly no avail.

I had come to realize something about myself: I often ran from issues in my life. Both my parents died, and what did I do? A mere month or so later, I was off to California. And, now, here I was, the only solution in my head to go off to New Brunswick earlier than I would have for the family reunion. The easier way out. Not easy, but easier. Sometimes, nothing was easy.

And then I realized: What if they wanted to come? What if Axl or Steven wanted to come, but only with me and not with the other? What had I done? What would I do? Now they must be so confused. I was confused.

I had sex with Axl, willingly, but meanwhile Steven and I had had something going on between us as well. I didn't know if that was still happening, but, frankly, I didn't want it to end. I felt like, with Axl, the majority of want I had for him was only lust, but with Steven...

I was taking a large gulp of coffee when Duff came downstairs, holding his head and groaning quietly. He hadn't noticed me yet. I was quiet and he couldn't see the island I sat at from the stairway, due to the small wall that jutted out.

"Too much to drink last night?"

Duff almost jumped, and I suppressed a smile. "Fuck," he muttered.

"'Morning," I greeted.

"Hey, Cassie," he replied, helping himself to the fresh brew. "What's up? Why're you awake so early?"

It might've been about seven or so. I didn't bother to look at a clock.

"I don't know. What about you, what're you doing?" I took another sip. I observed his behaviour, casually, to see if there were any signs that he knew what Axl and I had done in the studio last night. He seemed normal enough--hungover, of course, but just your average Duff. Tall, a little lanky (but with some muscle), smirking, light-hearted. And hot. Very hot.