Crash - Guns N Roses Fanfiction

THIRTY FOUR (PART TWO)

Izzy left, after that. I went back to my room--or, I guess, Axl's room. I didn't go back downstairs until the guys had all left for their gig that night.

I stared at the pencil and paper in my hands.

I had no idea what to say--how to begin to explain everything in my head that even I couldn't entirely decipher.

"Hey guys! I'm leaving because you all make me a tad uncomfortable and your drug use reminds me of my late, dead-beat mother!" Or, "Hey guys! I only let you come into my house that night because I didn't want you to die in an alleyway because if you did it would all be my fault!" Perhaps even, "Hey guys! The only reason I stuck around was because it seemed like you needed me in order to survive!"

Each of those were all legitimate reasons, but none felt quite right.

I didn't want to offend them, if only because I didn't want a target on my back. Even if they did intimidate me, I didn't want them to think they were bad people just for being who they are and doing whatever they needed to survive in LA. Because they were good people, really. Nice, genuine, caring... sometimes. When they weren't being drunk, high, rude, and destructive.

Okay, so maybe they aren't the best of influences, but...

I could just write to Izzy; he would understand. He was always the sort of... mediator of the band. He levelled out all the uneven ground, kept things under control.

Yes. I would do that--address my note to Izzy.

Izzy, I wrote.

I don't even know what to say... or where to begin.
Thank you, I suppose, for understanding. I'll be happier now, because of you. I just needed to go because... I wasn't comfortable--not entirely, not like I could be--with you all. But it's not your fault; I just don't fit in. I know that now, and I've come to terms with it.
My leaving, as I'm sure you know, is in no way me hating or disrespecting you. I hope you can let the rest of the guys know that, too.
And Axl... tell him I'm sorry, but I'm sure he already knew we couldn't have lasted long anyway.
As for the rest of the band--all of you, really--say... I think you're all very nice people, and I wish I got to know you all more personally, but I just can't. Not right now. Maybe not for a few years.
And for when that time does come... I'll give you this. Because, even when it seems I'm gone and I truly hate you all... I'll always be there for you.

I scribbled down my aunt's phone number (she'll always know where I am, I'll make sure she does for when or if they ever do call for anything). And at the very bottom of the note... my signature.

PS: please don't call for a while. I don't know when I'll see my aunt next, but I know I need a little time alone.

I exhaled deeply.

I took the house key out of my pocket and studied it for a moment.

The guys never really kept track of their keys, but they each had one--and I used Axl's. I was always the one to unlock the door for them since they almost always forgot their own key--I was dependable, cognizant, smart. Now it was their turn to be such things.

The thin piece of metal clinked when I dropped it onto the counter next to my departure note. (I didn't bother putting it in Izzy's room, even though it was just for him--I knew he would be the only one looking for it, so there was no sense in going to any trouble trying to get it to him.)

I picked up my bags from where they were at my feet, hauling their straps over my shoulders. My combat boots scuffed softly against the hardwood floor as I walked across the kitchen and living room, to the front entrance.

Before opening the door, I turned, my hand resting on the handle. I swept my gaze throughout the house, inhaling deeply, and thought one last time about the decision I was about to make before I committed to it.

Do I really want to do this?

Every bone--every vein and artery and cell--in my entire body screamed at me, Yes! Yes; of course you want to do this! Yes!

And I just knew that it wasn't a matter of if I truly wanted to, it was more that I had to. For my own well-being.

The members of Guns N Roses were on a downward spiral--so intense and fast and spinning that I couldn't handle it. I couldn't keep up; and when I did, it never ended softly or soundly. It ended with me cheating on my sort-of boyfriend because I wanted to prove something, and in the end still feeling guilty anyway. Or in jail.

Maybe it made me selfish, or cowardly; but that doesn't matter. Because I was a selfish coward trying to protect herself and leaving to live the life that I truly yearned for. And I was proud of it.

I closed the door softly--carefully--behind me.

And I did not look back.

-

I took a cab and told the driver to get out of the city, as far as he was willing to go, and find a decent motel. While we travelled, I slept.

-

I jerked awake with a gasp to find wind whipping my hair around. The driver had put the windows down and had a lit cigarette in his hand, propping his arm outside the car for to keep the smoke out. A valiant effort.

I looked at my surroundings as we stopped at a red light.

"Excuse me, sir, but where are we?"

"About forty-five minutes outside of the city," he replied in a deep, gruff voice.

I glanced to my right, where we were right next to the sidewalk. I followed the stretch of buildings down the road until I spotted a bank--and in the distance, a tall building declaring itself The Desert Inn. I deemed it a fit place to stay for a few nights, or at least until I figured out what I was going to do and where I was going to work and live. And I still had no clue if I should--

No. Stop. I told myself.

It seemed to me that I'd been doing too much thinking these past few days; it was time for me to just simply... do.

"This is good! Could you pull over right over there?" I pointed to the bank I'd found.

"Certainly," he replied.

When we reached my declared destination, I thanked him and handed over the charges I owed him.

Once I had all my belongings in my arms, I set off to begin a new life. Again.

--

Lol I think it's pretty clear at this point that I'm a thirsty bitch so yeah I'll be doing a sequel lol read it pls & no I don't exactly plan on "trying to update more regularly" cause let's be honest if that was gonna happen at all it would have already happened by now
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The sequel is called Reverberation & I have a few ideas for it but I'm still working on it so don't expect much just yet. But let's aim for getting an update byyyyyyyyyy 2018? Is that reasonable??? We'll see I guess

I'll be putting up the description of Reverberation right now, though, so just go to my profile and add it to your library so you can see the first chapter as soon as I update it :)

-megan xx