Crash - Guns N Roses Fanfiction

THIRTY FOUR (PART ONE)

I screamed, my vision blurring, and Izzy was the first one to come through the door. From there, the memory was just an array of images I knew I'd never look back on--if I did, it wouldn't on my own accord.

Now it was just Axl and I, alone in the house, in this cursed bedroom. The guys were all gone, leaving a little while after kicking Lucas out. They'd each taken turns punching or throwing something at him at least once--except for Izzy. I'm not sure if that was because he was too high and mellowed out to understand what was going on, or if he just wanted to stay out of my business. I mean, he seemed coherent enough--I could think about that later, though.

For now I was alone with him; Axl, with all his dark rage, boiling just beneath the surface. It was always there, had always been there--the deep unrelenting anger in his soul. It had been kept hidden all this time, suppressed so hard and so far that not even he truly remembered it, I think.

Because the way he stood there, and that look in his eye... fury, of course, and even a speck of broken-heartedness from what I'd done... but behind all of that was a memory of someone else. Someone hurting him even worse than I had.

And, in turn, I would be the one to pay for all of it. I was about to endure all of his vengeance, all his pent up emotions, and I had no idea how long it would take for me to totally, completely, utterly break. It couldn't be long. No, I'd been taped up and hastily, messily thrown together for far too long. I'd soon have to completely fix myself--which could take years. How could I ever be ready for such a thing?

I was still broken and healing, only to be forced to completely restart.

Perhaps that could be a good thing. A fresh start. Nice and new. Maybe--maybe that was what I needed. Something, somewhere... else. Other. For a second time.

But right now, in this moment, I was here. Staring at him in my best attempt to match his own, those deep turquoise eyes boring into me. There were tears in mine, but they'd stopped falling once I'd willed them to--which had been hard, since all I'd wanted to do for much too long now was let it all out.

Axl started to shake his head, and a deep, guttural chuckle escaped him; the sound sent shivers racing, fleeing from him, down my spine.

He began walking toward me.

I didn't dare move an inch.

Axl gave me a crooked smile. "You know... the day I met you--or, night, I suppose--I never thought..." he paused and snickered again, shaking his head a bit as if he was in disbelief. "I never thought you would be such a slut."

I think my nose flared, but there was nothing I could do about that. I was aware that he saw it, and something dark and cold crawled across every inch of skin on my body. He was about a foot away from me now, close enough to touch, to kiss... to hurt.

"And me? Oh, I fucked plenty of women while you were gone," he drawled. I knew it, I fucking knew it--and yet I still feel so guilty.

I shook--physically shook--from holding back the words I so desperately needed to say.

Axl's hand was toying with the bedpost, sliding closer, closer to where I leaned against it until--

My breathing hitched in my throat, my wide eyes carefully watching his fingers as they slithered up my side, but I concealed any other ounce of surprise I had towards his confession. Which was, for whatever reason, a lot. Why? I mean, I never truly believed he would support monogamy, and I never expected him to keep his dick in his pants for as long as I was gone; still... I was hurt.

However, I suppose I was a hypocrite, right? I mean, I screwed someone behind his back, too, didn't I?

"Now, I'd just love to hear what you think about that and all, but mainly I want to hear you--"