Still Waters

Chapter 16

"Hey." Collin smiled at me when I came to the door. "Can you talk for a minute?"

"Yeah." I looked behind me at my mom who, of course, was watching us from the kitchen grinning like we were the cutest little things she'd ever seen. "We'll be back," I called to her. She nodded and walked back into the kitchen. I closed the door and followed Collin out onto the porch. "What's up? You staying over there?" I nodded to his dad's house across the street.

"Yeah, for the summer. You stayin' here?"

"Yeah."

Collin's eyes locked with mine and he smiled shyly at me. "Cool." He looked down at his feet and then over at my feet. Then his eyes slowly traveled up my legs and stopped at my skirt. He kind of shifted his weight and cleared his throat. I did the same and looked away. "Hey..." he reached out for my hand. I gave it to him and took a step closer. "Listen, I know I keep apologizing to you, but I can never say it enough. You'll never know how sorry I am that I did that to you. I mean...you were my girl. My homie...from way back. My homie lover friend..." He grinned at me and we both laughed at the fact that he was trying way too hard. But he was also telling the truth. "I mean, you were. Until I messed it all up." I nodded in agreement. "Tasha, every man wants what we had. And I just...I just can't believe I threw it all away." His eyes lingered on my eyes as he waited for me to possibly say that he didn't throw it all away.

"Collin..."

The words stopped flowing after that and I just looked at him. What could I say? That I was secretly in love with Kenney now? Or that I was still in love with Collin, too, if I really wanted to be honest with myself? The truth is, I was never mad at Collin. I just got my feelings hurt. In the worst way.

But I wasn't about to tell Collin that.

Instead I just shook my head like he was a hopeless cause when, in reality, all I really wanted to do was go out to the creek with him and do...really bad things. This thought trumped all others, and I'm sure I turned crimson when I shifted on my feet again and involuntarily looked over in the direction of the creek. Collin read me all the way through and gave me a smile that said great minds think alike. He pulled my hand a little closer to him and I moved right along with it.

I talked about Kenney's girls all the time, but I was pretty much a hot tail back then, too, if you want to know the truth. And Collin knew it. He knew me. Very well. Kenney, luckily, never acted on the obvious attraction between us, but I'm sure he could tell the effect that he had on me whenever he did his thing. Guys like that always knew exactly what they were doing. Collin, on the other hand, had always been one to just go for what he wanted. And I liked that. I respected it. I never was one for beating around the bush, and that's all me and Kenney ever did. Which might be where the me and Kenney thing somehow got lost in translation, and where the me and Collin thing got...fully translated.

Besides, I had known Collin forever. He knew my whole family, and I knew his. Kenney was still kind of...new. He and I hadn't totally figured each other out yet, but Collin and I always knew without a doubt exactly what each other wanted at any given time. That's why it was weird that Collin didn't kiss me right then. I know he wanted to. And he knew I wanted him to. He sure kept looking at me and pulling me closer like he was going to. He just...didn't. For some reason, he was acting extra shy that night and I couldn't figure out why.

Too bad, too.

How I felt watching Kenney get all in that La'Toya chick's mouth out in front of the gym that day unexpectedly crossed my mind, and I suddenly realized that literally the only thing that had been on my mind as I watched them was how much I missed being with Collin. Kenney was cool and all, and he did have this weird effect on me - which I couldn't quite...interpret. I always got hot like you wouldn't believe whenever I was close to him. But when I thought about him, or whenever I was with him and his hands weren't on me, he was just...Kenney. My peeps. Not my "homie lover friend".