Still Waters

Chapter 47

                                 ** STRONG LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE AHEAD **

Collin did go back to counseling, and it seemed to be working. I think maybe that first year he just had too many transitions going on at one time. I wondered if he was bipolar. I also wondered if he was doing drugs now, since he was definitely starting to act like a cokehead. I didn't ask him about either one, though. I never saw any medication around that would indicate that he was bipolar, but then again he could have easily just have not been on any meds. And as far as I could see since we moved in together, Collin had gone totally legit. He didn't have the usual arsenal at his house, only a few personal guns, and I never saw any drugs around...which was good because Collin was really starting to stress me out again.

Especially when it came to things like handling the baby. He would do crazy stuff like pretend he was going to drop her, or throw her way up in the air and catch her. The baby loved it and would laugh like she was having the time of her life. Crazy just like her daddy. He would laugh, too, but it was a different kind of laugh. He would laugh at the horrified look on my face every time I saw my baby's life flash before my eyes. He would just look dead into my eyes, with my baby in his arms and laugh like "Yeah bitch. Don't cross me."

Eventually, somewhere around the baby's first birthday, Collin stopped coming home some nights. And not sporadically, either. It was like every Tuesday and Saturday he just wouldn't show up until the next morning. I didn't say anything about that, either. Let that bitch have her days with him. We had too much going on over here anyway, so by the time it started happening, it felt more like a nice break than a betrayal.

I even started planning little outings for my daughter and I to do on those days. Like it was our special time together. One of those nights, I was just walking through the front door, trying to juggle the baby, my keys, the stroller and the diaper bag all at the same time. I didn't even notice Collin sitting on the couch glaring at me until I turned my back to lock the door and turned on the light.

"Took my baby to see Kenney?"

My blood ran cold and I actually prayed. But the prayer was irrational, and as soon as I heard myself whisper "Please God, don't let that be Collin sitting there," I knew that I had finally lost my marbles, too. Poor kid. Two bat crazy parents. She didn't have a chance.

I turned around slowly, and I guess I was either hoping that he would have evaporated by the time I turned all the way around, or that it was just a ghost sitting there – which at that point would have been a far better thing to deal with than Collin right then – because I was shocked as shit when I finally looked over at the couch and saw Collin...chillin'.

I was so startled, I kid you not, I almost dropped the baby.

"Holy shit Collin! What are you doing here?"

I said it before I even thought about it and knew immediately that it was the exact wrong thing to a. not answer his question right away, and b. to act like I only went out because I knew he wouldn't be home. Collin jumped off of the couch before the whole question could come out of my mouth and charged me. For some reason I put the baby, who was just learning how to stand up, down and whispered, "Run."

Collin kind of missed a step and almost laughed at what I had just done, but it was like right after that he forgot that he was laughing and took me down to the ground by my waist. Then he opened my legs with his knees and got in between them, wrapping his hands around my throat.