Still Waters

Chapter 21

I think the night that Collin and I almost made love for the first time is the night that I finally decided to let go of the past and put all of my trust in him. On the real, I think I might have been the one who initiated the whole thing. We started out kissing, one kiss, then another and another. Then before I knew it, I was ripping off his clothes and trying to get him to rip off mine. Collin was all the way down to his boxers and had just started undoing my bra when he stopped.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He kind of looked down, then around the room before finally looking back at me. "I just don't want to mess anything up," he admitted cautiously.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean...I think we should go slow so we can do it right this time. Last time we moved too fast...and look what happened." He started playing with my hair. Eventually, he laced his fingers through mine and looked sincerely into my eyes. "Every day I won't be able to stop like this. I mean, you know it's hard for me not to..." his voice trailed off. "So anyway, you have to be the one to keep us from moving too fast. No matter how far we get, I want you to stop me, ok?"

"Ok..." I answered softly, but in all actuality, I didn't really think I could do it either.

"I love you, Natasha, and I don't want to ever chance losing you again."

I nodded, but there wasn't really a whole lot left to say after that.

The next day, for some reason, I told Kenney what happened. I don't know what I was thinking. When I first met Kenney, he told me that girls were always telling him their business for no reason and he didn't know why. As time went on, though, I could see exactly why. There was just something about him that made him feel like...a safe place. It didn't take me long to become typical like the rest of them and start telling him all my business, too. This time, though, before I could even get the whole story out he was bent over, holding his sides from laughing so hard.

"Aw man, Tashi! You are a straight sucker." He started laughing again. "That is the ultimate player move."

Over the past year and a half, Kenney had slowly become my best friend. We told each other a lot more than we probably should have, but I always just assumed that we wouldn't make each other feel stupid about the foolery that we managed to get ourselves into.

Guess I was wrong.

Feeling my face grow hot with embarrassment, I turned away and started to bolt in anger. Kenney caught me right before I took off.

"Hey, what's your problem? Why are you so sensitive all of a sudden?" I just looked at him. "Talk to me, Tashi. This is the second time you tripped on somethin' that you used to think was funny. What's going on?"

"Nothing. You're a jerk, that's all."

He sucked in a dramatic breath and put an indignant hand to his heart. "Wha...?"

I couldn't help but laugh. Kenney was such a clown. "Shut up, Kenney."

"Not until you tell me what your problem is. I know this ain't the same Natasha that used to play the dozens like you were majoring in mama jokes." Again I laughed, but didn't respond. He lightly took my arm and pulled me back over to him. "So, what's up?"

"Nothing. I just...I just really like him, that's all."

Kenney's face clouded over, but he tried to hide it. "So...do you really like him, or...do you love him?" He let my arm go and took a step back to get a better look at me.