pen pals // c.t.h.

this is my home

**december 18**

"Well, this is my home." I tell Calum, as we walk through the front door of my pastel pink house. Well, slightly faded, pastel pink house.

Calum walks forward, looking all around.

"Mind giving me a tour?" Calum asks, turning around to talk to me.

I nod and take his wrist. The first place I take him to is the kitchen. "Well, this is my favorite place in the house because well, food. It's where I come to get my midnight snacks like a rat." Calum snickers, as we continue to my living room.

"I dont usually come in here so this is rare-" I say to him. "this is where my family likes to hang out, but I dont hang out with them because - well - you know why." Calum looks down at me with an apologetic look set on his face before looking around and sitting on the couch.

"Your couches are really comfy." He says with a relaxed face. Right as he says that, my mom walks in with my sister. I roll my eyes and immediately take him off of the couch so we dont have to make contact with them.

But, sadly, I was too late.

"Where do you think you're going without introducing me to your friend?" She snaps at me.

"Calum, mom. Mom, Calum." I say quickly, heading off into the next part of my house. As we walk away, I can hear my mom say "little bitch" in the distance. Nothing I'm not used to.

"Hey, is that what you deal wi-" I cut him off. I dont even have to listen to the rest of his sentence to know what he was going to ask. Everyone that comes to my house asks that.

"Yes." I reply. I drag him upstairs with me to go to the spotlight of the house: my room. Or as I like to call it, my womancave.

I open the door to my womancave. "Welcome to my womancave." I breathe out.

"You call your room a womancave? I call mine a mancave!!" He says excitedly with a huge smile plotted on his face.

"I'm going to sit on my bed and let you walk around my room to look at things." I tell him as I sit down on my newspaper patterned comforter.

I watch him as he looks around my room in interest. As he does, I see him pick up a white picture frame with an image that I cant identify from here. He turns around and sits next to me on my bed. Calum shows me the picture and asks, "Who is this?"

"That's m-me and m-m-my brother." I choke out. I will not cry. No, not after holding it in after 3 years. Especially not in front of Calum.

"You guys look so cute and little." Calum says with a smile.

"Yeah thats when we were close. That was Halloween day and we were dressed-"

"As Lilo and Stitch." Calum says finishing my sentence.

"Yeah." My voice cracks as I say that one word, with a slight, sad simper. The tears filled my eyes like a pool. My hand hover over my eyes, not wanting Calum to see me like this. Suddenly I feel a hand on my back, trailing up and down my spine softly.

"Ainslee, It's okay to cry. You're going to have to let it out sometime." He says tende . But something about what he said causes me to just sob.

3 years of not crying and looking strong now completely destroyed. I'm nothing but weak and a complete baby. I'm so pathetic. I can't stop crying, no matter how hard I try. The tears are coming out like a waterfall and they wont stop falling.

"Ainslee, come here hun." Calum says gently, pulling me in to him. He continues to rub my sides up and down. Everytime Calum speaks, I cry even more. Something about Calum helps me let things out; I just dont know what that something is.

"I-I just m-m-miss him s-so much." I choke out, sobbing even more. Calum pulls me closer, resting his head on mine.

"I know, hun, I know."

*calum's pov*

Seeing Ainslee in such a terrible state is killing me. The person I love more than anyone in the world - as a best friend of course - is breaking right in my arms. The worse part is that I encouraged it. I encouraged her to cry. Everytime I look down at her, my heart aches; seeing her in such a vulnerable, broken state absolutely kills me. Her tears have not stopped, but I don't expect them to stop soon. She's been holding in all of these emotions for so long. There were so many that once they finally spilled out, it'd take forever for them to stop.

She's impressive though. In such an admirable way, she puts on such a tough act, no matter how much shit life is giving her. 

-

*ainslee pov*

"Um where will I sleep?" Calum asks me.

"Take my bed." I tell him, pointing at my bed. Calum shakes his head.

"No, Ainslee, I am not taking your bed. I am the guest, I should have the couch or floor."

"Exactly, since you're my guest you should have the comfiest spot in the house; which is my bed." I tell him, setting up my bed to make it look nice for him.

"Fine, but I dont want you to sleep on the floor. You have hardwood floors-"

"Cal, I can just get my blow-up mattress that is in my closet." I say, getting up to get my mattress. He nods and watches me as I blow up the mattress.

"You know, you're even prettier in person." I don't even care to look up at him when he says that. 

A blush warms my cheeks, "Shut up." My voice comes out sounding muffled because of my mouth being pressed up against the mattress. He gets of my bed and sits next to me.

"Fiesty much."

"Lying much." I say straight away.

"I wasnt lying though."

"Whatever Calum." I say, finishing blowing up the last bit of the mattress.

"Much more stubborn in real life, too." Calum says under his breath.

"Then why don't you just leave then." I snap, pausing in the middle of blowing up the mattress.

"Hey, listen, I was just joking." He says softly. "Do you really want me to leave?"

I take a deep sigh. "No, of course I dont."

"You do realize it's like 2 a.m." Calum tells me.

"Yes, Calum, I do realize that."

"Are you tired?"

"If I was tired, I would be sleeping."

"How do you stay up so late?" A smile finds its way onto my face in reaction to his question.

"The reason I like staying up so late is because between the hours of 1am-5am, the world is quiet and no one expects anything from me. I could stare at a wall for four hours and there would be no consequences. It's so silent and calm. The whole house is asleep and that, for me, is the best silence."

"But, I'm here; so doesn't my presence ruin the silence?" Calum asks me.

"No, you being here just makes it better because now I have someone to enjoy it with."