pen pals // c.t.h.

secret

*january 2nd*

calum's pov

"We only have one more week together", Ainslee whimpers. Actually only one more day. I think to myself.

I need to tell her today, but, I dont want to break her heart. It's already going to break her since I've held it in until the day before I leave. I cant hold this in any longer. She needs to know. How do I tell her without breaking her heart? I cant.

"Listen, Ainslee-" I am cut off by her father yelling. Ainslee sighs and puts her hands over her ears. Ever since yesterday, her parents have been yelling nonstop. Even I have become annoyed by it, and they aren't even my parents. Well, I guess only one of her parents is actually her parent.

"Shut the hell up! I'm sick of you saying you're sorry and that it didnt mean anything!" Her dad yells. Ainslee paces back and forth in a line. I just want to hold her and tell her it's all going to be okay. Pity is probably the last things she wants right now.

"You know what? Maybe I should've stuck with him instead of you! He's less of a dickhead than you!" With that yell from her mom, Ainslee screams at the top of her lungs. I can see a tear fall from her face.

Ainslee walk downstairs. I decide to follow her. She walks up to her yelling parents and confronts them. "Listen dumbasses-" Ainslee is cut off by her "dad".

"Ainslee, dont cuss!" He yells at her.

"Dont father me when you arent even my father." She growls at him. "Yeah, Mom fucked some guy behind your back. And yeah, Mom, of course he is going to be mad about it. He isnt going to accept your fake-ass apologies. You cheated on him! I wouldnt accept your apologies either!" Ainslee yells.

She continues talking, "For the past day, you guys havent stop yelling at each other and it's pissing me off. Andrew (her dad's name), just fucking leave already! There's no point in staying if all you're going to do is scream at each other until you get divorced. Call the lawyer over and get divorced. I'm so done with the both of you right now. Deal with this like adults, not like children arguing over legos!"

Her mom and Andrew look over at her with a face of surprise, as well as me. Ainslee has never lashed out like that before. Not even when she stood up to her mom before. This lash out was a mixture of anger and sadness.

She's making it a lot harder for me to tell her that I'm leaving tomorrow. Ainslee runs back upstairs, leaving me alone with her parents downstairs.

ainslee's pov

I run upstairs, before I cry in front of them. I dont want to show my parents that I'm weak. I want to be strong. Not only for them, but for me as well. For Calum, too.

Once I enter my room, I sit on my bed and sob into my hands. I dont want my family to be like this. I dont want my family to be broken. I'm the reason they're breaking. I'm the one that caused all of this. I'm the child that wasn't supposed to be here. If I wasn't here, my family would be living happily and I wouldn't be put through hell and worse.

I want to die.

I know I cant. I cant kill myself. I promised Calum I wouldn't try to end my life. I will not break a promise. No matter how many times people I trusted have broken their promises, I will not be like them. I will not be that person. Calum trusts me and I cant break his trust. I need him. I need him because I love him.

Love is such a strong word. Love can either break someone or make them stronger and happier. Sometimes, there is no in between. Someone could say "I love you" and not really mean it; or someone could say "I love you" and mean it more than anything. One-sided love is hard. I guess I could say I understand how that feels when Bryan cheated on me. Distant love is probably the hardest. I definitely know what that feels like.

My love for Calum cannot be put into words. Many would say that it's too early for me to say I love him, but, I've loved him since we began sending texts to each other. So, it's really not that early. I'm scared to tell Calum that I love him because one day he is going to leave and I cant have another distant love.

Speaking of Calum, why hasnt he come upstairs yet? I shrug and look to my side because I see flash on his phone out of the corner of my eye. As creepy as it sounds, I look at his phone and read a text message he got from his Mom.

mummy: I can't wait to see you tomorrow, Cal! I miss you so much 💕

My heart breaks in two. He's leaving tomorrow and he didn't tell me. How could he not tell me this? As I'm thinking about this situation, Calum walks in.

"Hey, are you alright? I know this whole family situation suc-" I cut him off.

"You should start packing if you're going to leave tomorrow." I say, casually. His eyes widen immediately, and he looks to the floor. "Yeah. I saw a text from your Mom flash on your phone." I tell him. "So when were you planning on telling me? Tomorrow morning? Or were you just not going to tell me and leave me while I'm sleeping?" I snap at him.

"Ainslee, I was going to tell you the day I got that phone call from my Mum. I just - I didn't know how to tell you without hurting you."

"So waiting until the day before you leave was your answer?" I yell. "Oh, wait, you didn't tell me; I had to figure it out myself." I say, with a cold-hearted laugh.

"Ainslee, there were plenty of times when I was going to tell you. I was going to tell you the day after but I was interrupted by your Mom. I was going to tell you earlier today, but I got interrupted by your parents yelling."

I sigh. I understand that it was hard for him to tell me and I know if I was put in that situation, I wouldn't want to tell him either. I just find it sad how I had to find out myself.

"Ainslee, you have no idea how much I dont want to go. I dont want to leave you. That's the last thing I want to do. You have no idea how many times I've wanted to tell you, but, I couldn't because I was afraid of hurting you. The last thing I want to do is hurt you." Calum tells me, sitting next to me on my bed. He puts his big hand over mine and sighs.

We sit in silence for a while. It's not an awkward silence nor is it a comfortable silence. It's a longing silence. A silence that we just want to enjoy together and grasp these moments together.

"Please, dont leave me." I cry out, breaking the silence. He immediately wraps his strong, muscular arms around me and pulls me into him. I feel safe when I am in his arms. He is my home.

He rocks me back and forth as I cry. Suddenly, I feel myself start uncontrollably shaking. Oh no, please dont have an anxiety attack now. I'm such a baby.

*flashback*

"Ainslee, you are a pathetic child! All you do is cry, cry, cry. You're such a goddamn baby!" My mom yells, throwing a cook book at my face. The cook book makes a red mark on my eye. I cry even more.

My mom walks over to me and pulls me up, violently. She smacks my face, leaving a red mark on my cheek. I hold my cheek in pain. "Why are you such a little bitch? You're 15, you should be more grown up than this! You cant even handle two little hits on the face. Pathetic little bitch."

I whimper and cry again. It seems like all I do is cry now. My mom is right; I am weak. I need to be strong. I need to strengthen myself if I'm going to survive this cruel world. When I cry, I make myself look weak. I need to stop crying so I can look strong and be strong. I will make that change today and never cry ever again.

*end of flashback*

I need to be strong.