One Last Afternoon

Weekend madness

During the weekends it was a free for all. He would take me somewhere quiet and away from people and he would take what he wanted. I never tried to stop him because quite frankly it never occurred to me. Each time I felt myself slip slowly away to make room for the girl he wanted. The dosile creature that wouldn't object to him that would give him what he wanted and never complain. The one that let him take.

He would make stupid jokes sometimes. When he came he would say "there go our children". I somehow forgot to ask him if he came inside me. I knew that he wasn't using protection. It didn't occur to me that it might be important. I was too busy obsessing on how each time he touched me I felt dirty. His touch was revolting and disgusting. The only thing that kept me sane was the thought that he would soon get what he deserved.

I only had one problem. After a month of him using me my feelings betrayed me. I suddenly started to like the feeling. He had taken my purity but my heart lightened at the thought of him being inside me. I started craving his affections. What was this? Was it me or the person he was turning me into? Was it love or lust? Whatever it was it lessened the desire to kill him.

I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I wanted to kill him but I didnt want him to die because then he wouldn't be able to do the things he did to me. I decided rather to just wait and see. I mean time couldn't hurt could it? The feeling might just go away on its own and then the problem would be solved. The fore I waited for the problem to solve itself. To let time fix everything.

But it didn't fix anything. There was something though that scared him off for a little while and grounded his feet. Something that made him keep it in his pants. The first pregnancy scare. My period was late by 2 weeks. He was so sweet thought. Telling me about how he would help me dispose of our unborn child. Sometimes I replay what he said to me. How he had talked so carelessly about the research he had done.

All the pills he would get me to force my body to work to his command. The pills that were going to force my body into having a miscarriage That he wasn't ready and didn't want it. It. He had referred to my baby, our baby, as an it. Just a thing that didn't matter. Something that cold die and something he could kill and not feel bad about it. Something I didn't have in the first place.

I'd asked my friend and she got me a pregnancy test because she cared about me, or she wanted to blackmail me with it. I didn't have anyone else who i could have asked. I was so scared that I couldn't even pee on it. I mean it was a simple enough thing to do but it seemed so complicated at that moment. I'd sat on the toilet for half an hour trying to get myself to pee. Messages from him telling me to and words from her. Both scaring me even more. Forcing me to do something. But I eventually did.

And there is was. The stripe showing me I wasn't in fact pregnant. I felt so relieved that I didn't have a child growing in my womb and that I didn't have to kill it. But no matter how relieved I was it was no match for how relieved he was when I told him. Almost as if on que that afternoon my period started. I'd looked down at the blood and started crying. That experience had changed my views and my feelings towards him and everything else.

He had no future and I would make sure of it. Weather it was because of what he did or would do that was it I would make sure he was punished and he would die. Just like the baby he would have killed. I will never forget how heartless he'd been towards his own offspring and towards me. He'd claimed to love me. How can you kill something you love so easily?

Oh yes he would die. If he could kill his own child so easily then what else would he be capable of killing? Me? No. I'm already dead in the inside because of him. That smug ass basterd. He killed me on the inside. He should just have died before he was corn. None of this would have happened if he hadn't been born.