Always Number Two (Matt Miller x Reader)

Chapter 28 ~ Lost

Laughs all around is what you all seem to have been doing lately. Although you've been doing well, with Matt and Kinzie and Clark, there was something else. Something in the back of your head, a growing flash of memories.

His hand in mine. Running. 'Chucklefucks'.

And death. The cold emptiness of it felt so fulfilling.

The loss.

I woke in a cold sweat, gasping for air.

Meanwhile in the other room, Matt was also having trouble sleeping; he was sobbing, although you couldn't hear. Both of you were suffering. "What the hell am I doing...?" I muttered, bringing my hands up to my eyes to wipe the tears from my face. Why was I crying? What the hell were these dreams and flashbacks?

The more I had, the more I dreaded the next hour. There was no... reason. There was no reason that I should feel like I was about to die, that it was like some kind of warning to what would happen next.

I shuddered.

Standing from my bed I'd go out into the main area where Matt was also sitting, his mascara streaking down his face. He turned to look at me.

"Matt..." I said, frowning.

His lips were against mine in an instant as he was feeling the curves of my body and kissing me on the lips, the neck, the cheek, hungrily. He was hungry for me.

"I love you," he whispered in my ear. "You're number two."

Another flash of memory went through my mind of myself yelling angrily at a screen. The leaderboards ranking someone above me. I cried out, gasping for air, kissing him with ferocity I hadn't known before. I was lost in him, lost beyond where I could find myself.

He let go out my hands, and we were both suffocating, desperate for a good dose of metaphorical air. Our feelings smothered us, strangled us.

I wanted to run away. Get as far away as possible from this annoying impossible girlish egotistical fool. At the same time I wanted to run towards him and engage in devious sexual actions with him. Hell, I'd even wrap my arms around him and stay with him like that for hours.

I wanted Matt and I wasn't ready for that. I was just a human being, I couldn't deal with this shit. I lost Johnny and now I was going to throw away all of my feelings for him to be with this... this... no, I couldn't. These memories were a lie. Whoever Matt was holding wasn't me. Whoever the person who died was was NOT me. What the fuck am I doing???

I pushed away from him and ran to the simulation, smashing the 'enter' button as I locked myself in the machine.

I wouldn't face the truth. I couldn't.