The Assassin of Madness

Chapter 21

The Doctor came in to check on Rose multiple times through the night, but every time she had her face turned away from him.  It frustrated him, because he wanted to see her face, mostly because she was about to be taken from him. 

But she wasn't, was she?  He was sending her away, for fear of something that would happen to all of them in the end.  He talked to her though, let her know what he was doing, checking her bandages and stitches.  

At about four am, he was washing his hands and preparing to remove her IV when she finally spoke.  The sound of her voice rocketed happiness through him until he'd realized what she'd said.

"Send Jack in instead," she ground out, as though it hurt her to say the words. 

"What?" His hands dropped to his sides, and he knew he sounded defeated.  In a way, he was, but only by his own actions.  She still wouldn't look at him.

She shifted and whimpered a bit at the pain it caused her.  He wanted to go to her so badly, for her to let him heal her.  He approached her IV, taking careful steps because if he wasn't careful he'd fling himself at her and beg her not to leave him.  This wasn't about him, it was about what was best for Rose. 

When he walked to start unhooking the IV, her eyes were closed, and it occurred to him that she was intentionally not allowing him to establish focus on her eyes.  He knew that she knew he sought comfort from eye contact, especially from her.  She was denying him that.  

"I want Jack to check on me from now on.  Gonna be here for a few days, yeah?  Wouldn't want you to suffer."  Her words weren't cutting or mean, as it could easily be interpreted.  It was probably how she wanted them interpreted, but he knew her too well, could read her like a book.  She thought it was the best for him, and that's why she was doing it.  

That didn't stop his hearts from twisting painfully in his chest.  She really was trying to send him away.  The irony didn't escape him that this was what he had done to her: sent her away without asking her how she felt, he had told her how it was and that was that.  She was doing the same to him now, and he found he couldn't be angry at her for it.  She was right.

"Jack doesn't have-"

"He'll do fine, I think," she snapped.  "And you can give him instructions.  Besides, I haven't seen him since... Since."

He finished with her IV and resisted the urge to brush her hair back from where it had feathered out over her face.  "Alright," he whispered around tears.  He headed towards the door but her voice happened to pipe up and stop him.

"If I hadn't brought the knife, would you let me stay?"

He closed his eyes, swallowing down the tears that threatened to creep up on him again.  He'd cried enough the night before, this was too much.  "Rose..."

"Okay, fine," Rose sounded so tired.  "Fine."

He opened the door and stepped out, and just before shutting it he heard her whisper something that certainly wasn't meant for him to hear.

"You promised you wouldn't send me away again."

Jack was the one who tended to Rose later that afternoon, helping her to the loo and get something to eat.  She had to sit straight up like a board but was allowed to go to her room.  She changed into pajamas, with little to no assistance from Jack because it simply embarrassed her to be incapable of something so simple.  It took her twenty minutes to do so without him.

Finally, she lay carefully propped up in bed, as the Doctor had instructed Jack to do. 

"I know what he said," Jack said finally, "The TARDIS told me."