Better Games

12. Water

"KATNISS LOOK AT ME," Peeta pleas.

It's a heartbreaking sound as I hear his voice crack. But it's a distant cry over the memories playing back in my head. Explosion followed by smoke. People rush in, I spot Prim amongst the medics. Her name barely leaves my lips as another explosion goes off, fire, smoke. I'm running, tripping over things that aren't there. Running running away from the smoke away from the fire. It's not real it's just a memory it's not real. I tell myself. But it seems so. The fire scorches me I scream even louder. I continue to run until I trip and fall down. My face connects with the wet concrete and droplets of water are pattering on the bare skin that isn't covered. I try to make sense of why I'm wet, there's fire all around me.

"KATNISS," Peeta's voice breaks into my memory again, this time snapping me back to reality. I'm outside in the spring rain, it's still dark outside but the sun is rising. I push myself up by my arms and slowly sit up. I must've ran out the door and fallen down the stairs in my trance-walk. Before I can try to get on my feet Peeta comes rushing through the front door, the straps of his prosthetic hastily put together and visibly protruding from his boxers. He makes it to me and ignoring the slushy puddles and rain he falls to my side and takes me into his arms. I burst into tears. This has never happened before I've never slept walk or whatever this was, I wasn't really asleep. I sob even hardy thinking of what happened.

"It's alright love, you're alright. I'm here, I've got you, I'm not going anywhere love I'm here."

He rocks me gently until I'm hiccuping, tears drip down my face and I sniffle.

"You wanna go inside now?" Peeta asks gently as I look up into his eyes. He strokes a stray hair behind my ear. We're both soaking wet and I'm starting to shiver. I nod my head yes and we both stand up and walk inside. Peeta closes the front door and walks to the kitchen to retrieve a couple of hand towels to wipe us down. We lay them on the floor where the residue water has puddled on.

"Come on, you go upstairs to the bathroom and draw a bath, I'll be up in a second." He kisses me on the nose as softly as he spoke the words. I obey and go upstairs to our bedroom bathroom. I peel off my soaked pajamas and ring them out in the sink, leaving them to dry on the towel rack. I then draw a bath and drop some bubble mix into it and climb in, submereging everything but my head in the mix. Peeta comes a minute later with cups of hot chocolate. His clothes stick to his skin as he reaches the cup towards me. He then sits next to me on the outside of the tub holding my hand as we drink from our cups. I know he's giving me my time though he wants to know what happened. I can see the worry in his eyes as he kisses my hand. I let go of his and run my hand up his cheek and up into his golden locks. A tear rolls down my cheek and he gets an even more worried look in his eyes, lacing my hand into his and bringing them down and out of his locks onto the side of his cheek.

"Katniss what happened."

I tell him everything including that it didn't feel  like I was dreaming, that I knew I was up but I was walking in my memory. He stays attentive the whole time I'm rambling on about every detail of the memory. He rubs by hand supportively resting his lips on my knuckles. The further I go into remembering it the more I start to hiccup, I cry again and I feel a tear roll down onto the fist Peeta's holding to his lips.

"Peeta-"
"I hate this."
"What?"
"I hate seeing you hurt and being able to do nothing about it." Another tear rolls down his cheek.
I'm crying fully again now.

"It's never gonna stop is it? I knew we would never escape it. We have grace periods, happiness, sometimes everything feels okay again. But then the nightmares come, the flashbacks, the hurt, the pain-"
"But we'll fight it Katniss," Peeta interrupts, "We always do. We'll never be able to change what happened in the past but we can change our future. Together we get through this, on the rainy days or on the sunny days it doesn't matter. When I feel like giving up because of my flashbacks you're always there to pull me back to reality. To let me know that I'm needed again, that I'm not a monster. And when you feel like giving up and into your nightmares I'll always be there to pull you back and to let you know who you are. Katniss I wish I could do something to take it all away, to make myself a lesser danger to you but I can't and it breaks my heart. But I promise you that when you are in pain and you are hurt I will be there. I love you."

By the time Peeta finishes his speech my hiccuping has slowed. He always knows just what to say.

"I'm the reason you were hijacked Peeta, the reason you have those flashbacks. I'm the reason for all of this and I can't fix it. I'm sorry...but I love you. You're the reason I get through this, you're the reason I go on. I love you so much,"my lip starts to quiver and I cry more heavily again.

"Hey, hey look at me," Peeta coaxes me to open my eyes. He's on his knees now holding both my hands out of the bathtub to his chest. "Everything's gonna be alright my love."

We sit there for a couple more minutes. Then Peeta hands me a towel and turns around as I get out of the bathtub. I wrap my self in a towel and tell him he can open his eyes again. He turns back around as I'm slowly braiding my hair to the side. He looks me up and down and stares into my eyes.

"What's wrong?" I ask, my hands fiddling with the end of my braid.
"What," he shakes his head out of his daze. He blushes, "you're just beautiful Katniss."

This takes me off guard and I blush as well. I unconsciously unbraid my damp hair to give my hands something to do. After all this he still thinks I'm beautiful.

"My scars Peeta..." I start but he cuts me off when he walks closer. Putting his hands on my shoulders and admiring every single mark on my visible skin, "Are beautiful." He finishes my sentence. I start to shake my head in disbelief but he pulls his pajama shirt of revealing his bare chest. He takes my hands and runs them over every scar he has from his neck, broad shoulders, down to his ripped abs, up to his muscles and down to the scars on his wrists that came from the cuffs in the War. Like mine they've already started to fade but are still visible.

"You're scars are like mine. They show what we've been through and how brave you are which tells us that we are going to get through this together one step at a time remember?"

"Yea. I remember." I lean into his chest and hug him. He wraps his arms around my form even though I'm in nothing but a towel. I'm blushing again but I hide my face into his chest. We stand there for a bit until my body remembers how sleepy I actually am and my eyes start to droop. Peeta picks me up bridal style and lays me in our bed. Kissing me on my forehead to sleep and off to take a shower himself.