Special kind of Mentally Ill

The Beginning

  August 11th, 2011, the day that would change my life forever. I woke up around 8:30 and feeling numb, as usual. I wasn't smiling, and I couldn't remember when I had laughed last. My face was stuck in a blank. My mother had started to worry, but it didn't bother me. I live in a small town with about 6,300 people. Everyone knows of each other. My family was known as poor, and stupid. People claimed we "got into trouble" a lot. I wouldn't disagree with that, but I also wouldn't agree. My family is large. We live on a farm off Para Avenue, one of the longest dirt roads in town. Our house is a bit run down, and it's old. My father bought it a year after my older brother Arnold, was born. My father, Stanley Calfman, is a hard working man. He lived on a farm his whole life, and only completed up to the 9th grade. He's wise and learned from experience. My mother, Eliana Sands, grew up in a big city, located here in North Carolina. She came from a wealthy family. She met my father at a bonfire, when she had just graduated high school. When she brought him home, her family was disappointed. She married my father after six months. Her family wasn't pleased, to say the least. My mother was 18 and my father was 21 when they married. They moved into a small house just outside the city. My father continued to work on his family farm, while my mother went to college. When my mother got pregnant with my older brother, Arnold, her father stopped paying for her college. He was livid that she was having a baby with my father. Her family had thought her marriage wouldn't last, but they then knew it would. She was cut off. My mother had to stop her education. My father wanted her to continue on in her education so he moved them onto their own farm, the one we live at now. Unfortunately, he never made enough money for her to continue on in her studies. After Arnold was one, my mother got pregnant again, this time with me. Lenny, that's my name. Two years after me came Kit. Soon after was Lucile, Anna, and then Henry. From least to greatest in age, at this time, we are 19, 18, 16, 14, 12, and 8. The house is hectic, but it will soon be worse. Kit is pregnant, and six months along. Her boyfriend, Richie, is a dead beat and has no future. He is in my class, and he thinks we are friends. We aren't .Every Thursday my father makes us have a family dinner, to keep my mother happy. It was a Thursday that day. At 9 am I came out to my father to help him on the farm. My brother had recently been helping Mr. Jacobs, another farmer up the road. He said it was because he couldn't stand to work with my father any longer. Usually my father and Arnold had trouble getting along, so it wasn't a surprise. My father told me to go get some tools at the hardware store, so of course I did as he told. I rolled into town and collected the things in the store and checked out. On my way out I noticed her. She was a pretty brunette, young lady. I peaked through the isle next to her. She was kneeling beside paint swatches. I watched her frail fingers touch the tiny pieces of colored paper. She noticed me, and I knew she would approach me. I turned away from the isle, so she could talk to me. She approached me. She wore baggy jeans with holes in them, a white t-shirt tucked in the front, and red sneakers.
  "Why are you staring at me?" She questioned me.
  "I don't know." I responded.
  "Do I know you?" She asked.
  "Not that I know of. I've never seen you around before." I mentioned.
  "I just moved here. My fathers in the marines." There was a base just outside town.
  "Oh, what's your name?"
  "Why?" She replied.
  "I'm curious. What are you painting?"
  "A mural on my bedroom wall."
  "Of what?"
  "I'm not sure yet. I have a few ideas. Do you go to Quinndale high?" She asked me.
  "I do,"
  "Are you a senior?"
  "I am,"
  "You're 18?"
  "I am, and you?"
  "I'm a junior, and I'm 16. I'll be 17 in three months." She stated. Her eyes were a soft green, and were kind. She went back to the swatches and I followed her. She picked a few out and an employee got her a few cans. She paid and then she asked if I would help carry them to her truck. She drove an old, red, beat up truck. I placed the cans in the bed.
  "Thank you, by the way, I'm Jackie Bylaw."
  "Lenny," I shook her hand. She got into the drivers side.
  "I guess I'll see you in a few weeks at school," she shut the door and drove off. I then proceeded to my truck and drove home. The day passed on, and then it was time for the family dinner. My mother prepared turkey, corn, and mashed potatoes. I drowned out the chatter of my family. After sitting through an hour and a half of dinner I got a call from my good friend, Brice. He told me there was going to be a big bonfire on Hollow road, a road right near my house. I wasn't really up to it, but he begged me to go, and I wanted to be away from my family. It started at 9, when it was dark and I arrived just shortly after. Everyone's trucks were circled around the big fire and people were sitting on the tail gates drinking beers. I saw my buddies Gunner, and Vince sitting on Brice's tail gate.
  "Hey man," said Gunner.
  "Hello," I responded. I got up on the tailgate and they handed me a beer. Just then the group of girls we had all been dating came up to us. There was Lynette, Maggie, Candice, and Marie. I was with Lynette. We had been together for about four months at that point. She leaned near me and talked with our group. She thought I loved her, but she was wrong. I didn't feel anything for her. She chatted, and I tuned out her voice. I then noticed her, from across the fire. There she stood with Mason, Tyler, and Remi. I jumped off the tail gate and headed for her. Lynette called my name but I ignored her. I approached her.
  "Oh! Hey!" She exclaimed.
  "Hi, can I talk to you?" I asked.
  "Sure," she responded. I waved to the group of boys, and they gave a welcoming smile.
  "Here let's walk in the field," I suggested. We then walked off.
"What did you need to talk about?" She asked me.
"I just wanted to be alone with you." I admitted.
"Oh, how sweet." She smiled. We then stopped in the middle of the field.
"You are beyond beautiful, you're extraordinary." I told her.
"Why?"
"I don't know. You make me feel alive again."
"What?" She stood confused.
"I haven't been able to feel in a while. I've felt nothing. But you, you make me feel." I stated. She then smiled.
"Let me kiss you." I said. She stood there motionless and wordless for a few moments. She stepped closer to me.
"Okay," she smiled and closed her eyes. I then did as I told. Minutes later she released her lips off mine.
"We should get back," she said. I then put my hand in hers and we walked back. When I came back Lynette noticed my hand intertwined in hers. She began to cry into Candice. Then her group of friends sat on a log by the fire comforting her. I walked Jackie to her truck.
  "How'd you find out about this?" I asked her. 
  "Remi, he's my neighbor." She informed. I kissed her cheek and she was off. I proceeded to my group of friends.
  "You're a douche bag man," said Vince.
  "Why?"
  "You were just holding hands with another girl in front of Lynette..." Gunner chimed in.
  "Oh, yeah. Can you guys tell her I'm done with her?"
  "Dude, are you kidding?" Brice chuckled.
  "I'm not. But I have to go now. I'll see you guys." I had then noticed I had no way to contact Jackie, so I walked over to Remi.
  "Hey, do you have Jackie's number?" I asked him. He then pulled out his phone and gave it to me. I thanked him and then I left. I went home and it was around 2 am at that point. I decided to call her.
  "Hello?" She whispered.
  "Hey, it's Lenny. Remi gave me your number." I informed.
  "Oh, that's fine."
  "Can we meet tomorrow?" I asked.
  "Sure! How about at the hardware store?"
  "Okay, goodnight." We then hung up. The next day I met her at the store at 1 pm. She got into my truck and we sat there.
  "What should we do?" I questioned.
  "I'm not—uh," she scuffed.
  "What?"
  "It's Mr. Goldman, he's walking into the store. He's a counselor on base. He always hits on my mother and I. He asked me if I wanted to have sex, when I rejected him he said if I told anyone no one would believe me. He told me my life would become a living hell." She explained.
  "He sounds like a jerk. He'd be better off dead. I should kill him."
  "Would you?"
  "Are you serious?"
  "Yeah, my mothers started to flirt back. I can't stand the man."
  "I mean, I'll kill him if you want me to." I told her.
  "Please do." She smiled. We finished our day by taking drives down the dirt roads in town. I got home at 5 pm. I was up thinking of how to kill Mr.Goldman. I went to the barn to grab some working gloves. I then found a machete. I took the items to my room without anyone noticing. I dug out an old dark gray sweatshirt stained with bleach. I took it out and laid it on my bed. I then saw a ski mask I had used to be "Freddy" one Halloween. I took it out and put it on the sweatshirt. The night rolled on and soon it was 2 am. I had to be sure everyone in my family was asleep before I left. I put the sweatshirt on and went to Mr.Goldman's house. Lucky for me his house wasn't on base. When I arrived I parked across the street. I then got out of my car with the ski mask on. I put the gloves on before I had touched the machete I had cleaned off. I got out and went around to his bedroom window. He slept alone in his King sized bed. I decided to go through the back door. I picked the locked and slide it open ever so quietly. I walked into his house and quietly opened the handle to his door. I then put my hand on his mouth and cut his throat. He was squirming and I had to push him down with my legs at this point. A couple minutes later his eyes shot open and he was dead. I wrapped him in his bed sheets that were now soaked in blood. I then left the house and went home to sleep.