"Happy" family

Shes back!

The morning has been a slow and exhausting one, Katy's wide awake because she has to be but I don't so I keep falling asleep, first on the bed then in the car and finally on the couch in Katy's dressing room. It's 5:30am and Katys gone out into the main stadium to go over and practise the dances before doing two full run throughs of the show and finally getting dressed and ready to go on tonight. Katy's been giving me weird looks all morning and whispering to Tamra and it doesn't take long for me to find out why. The weird lady who came to talk to me ages ago and was asking me gross and strange questions is back! I think she said her name was Demi? But this time I don't even want to look at her. My stomach ties itself in knots just knowing she's near me. Tamra grabs her walkie talkie and tells Katy to come to the dressing room for her 1 hour break. Everyone stops, leaves Katy's dressing room and gets lunch. Tamra says hi to Demi while I sit up and sit closer to Tamra. "Hi Mackenzie, how are you?" Demi smiles at me. She's not ugly she's actually very pretty but in my mind she's created an ugly imprint on me and I can't shake this sick feeling. I don't respond to her but I don't have to because Katy walks in and the attention changes to her. I immediately stand up and run to Katy. "Do you want me to go?" Tamra gets ready to leave. "I don't mind, Mackenzie do you want Tamra here?" Katy asks while grabbing my hand and walking me to the couch, I want her to pick me up but she won't. "Yes." Short and sweet reply. I need as many people here as possible so I don't have to talk. Katy sits down and I take my chances. I climb onto her lap and make it known that I'm not moving. "So I see the clinginess is still well hahah" Demi jokes and everyone laughs but me. "So I know you probably don't want to talk to me Mackenzie or even listen but I would be really happy if you did. Before you blame Katy... Your mom, I'm the one that arranged this meet up because I felt it was important for us to catch up more often and hopefully in the future you will feel more open and comfortable to talk to me okay?" Demi finishes but I don't acknowledge her. "So Katy I'll start with you and maybe Mackenzie will join in soon. So how have things been?" There goes that annoying 'and how does that make you feel' voice, you know the one. "Really recently, pretty good but we had a rough patch when Mackenzie got sick other then that it's been really good." Katy doesn't really hold me like she normally does? Maybe she wants me to contribute or maybe she just wants to show Demi that she's not condoning my "clinginess". "That's good to hear. And how has Mackenzie been in a more mature way? Any similar problems arise?" Errrrrhhh... What's with all the weird questions? Who does this even help cause it sure as heck ain't helping me! "Umm.. Not really, apart from the odd wetting the bed incidents not much else has happened or changed." I block my ears to show my disapproval of this information being shared but I don't block them enough that I can't hear. "Okay and how about touch? She obviously she likes to feel close to you and feel your warmth or she wouldn't be so clingy in tough situations but anything else?" This lady really likes to dig doesn't she! "Well there are the odd moments where...I'm not even sure they're worth mentioning but i can't tell if she is asleep or not sometimes when she's with me in my bed she will slide her hand up my top and rest it on my stomach or back but I'm pretty sure it's just for warmth and like I said I don't know if she's doing it consciously." By now my arms have gotten tired and I put my hands back down but I'm starting to wish I hadn't as the questions start firing at me. "Are you awake when this happens Mackenzie?" I don't answer. "Why do you think you put your hands there?" She's pushing me to answer. "Do you like touching Katy?" Argh! "No!" I snap. "Then why do you think you do that?" I think for a moment, I'm not awake when I do it but I have woken up with my hands there and I just leave them there, I didn't think there was anything wrong with it? " I didn't think it was bad?" "it's not bad, I just want to know how it makes you feel when you do it?" There we go 'and how does that make you feel?' Blah! "I don't know, good I guess." "Why does it make you feel good?" "These questions are weird!" " I know but I promise there just so I can understand your point of view better they aren't suppose to make you sound bad or feel yucky." "I don't do it on purpose, I'm asleep but sometimes I wake up and I leave my hands there because it's warm and soft." "Do you feel safe around Katy?" "Yes." "What about your birth parents?" "No way." "Do you think maybe you like to sleep in Katy's bed and cuddle with Katy because you never got that from your parents." I think she's trying to make this worse then what it is? "I don't know? Maybe." Demi thinks for a moment. "Okay honesty time. If Katy told you that it's okay to do anything you want with her like cuddles and touching etc what would you do?" Katy shifts uncomfortably. I shrug my shoulders. " it's okay you can say whatever you want I promise you won't get in trouble." Katy speaks up. "Umm....     Probably just cuddle...   " I can feel goosebumps all over my body, I know Katy's not my birth mom but this still just feels so wrong! "That's all? You wouldn't want to touch her anywhere or kiss her?" My heart just about jumps out of my chest. Why would she even ask that?! I can't help but screw my face up. ".....    Maybe kiss her once...   " that's not an okay thing to say blah! I can't believe I just said that! "That's okay where would you kiss her?" Tears roll down my cheeks because I know I just said something terribly bad! I shrug my shoulders again as I choke on my words. To my defence I was a long time katycat before all this happened but I know it's still sooooo wrong! "Would you kiss her on the lips?" She just keeps poking the sleeping bear argh. "No!... Maybe on the cheek." I cringe. "Okay and why haven't you kissed her on the cheek before?" Demi gets out a pen and starts writing. "Because.... That's bad, she's not my birth mom." "But she legally adopted you so she is by law your mom so why don't you kiss her?" "It wouldn't feel right. I don't think she would want me to and I don't think it's okay." I wipe my tears away and more come so I leave them resting on my bright red cheeks. "Why are you getting so upset?" "Because this is bad, you shouldn't kiss or touch people who aren't blood related or you aren't married to." I burst out. "So why do you want to kiss Katy? Do you mean as in you would kiss your mother goodnight or kiss a girlfriend or boyfriend?" She doesn't get it! I don't want to kiss Katy it's just if I could I would because why not? I couldn't kiss or hug my real mom nor would I want to.  "Kiss her like my mom." I feel Katy's body relax. "Does Katy kiss you?" "Yes, sometimes." "Where does she kiss you?" "On the forehead mostly." "So why do you feel it's okay for Katy to kiss you but you can't kiss Katy?" I never really thought about it like that? "I don't know, because she's the adult and she knows when and where it's okay." "And you don't know when or where you can kiss her?" "No." "Okay interesting, we'll leave that subject for now but feel free to talk about it together later." Demi goes through her bag and pulls out a piece of paper with a diagram of a body on it. "Katy I'm going to give you a chart of a body and can you by tomorrow when we catch up again just write in where it's okay for Mackenzie to touch and kiss you and just a few spots where it's a definite no to be touched and/or kissed so we can go over it tomorrow and start sorting thorough some of these issues. Demi smiles and packs her stuff to leave. After she leaves Katy stands up and kneels down to my level. "If you want something or have questions about anything you know it's okay to ask me, I wont judge you and I won't tell you off." She leans in and kisses my cheek before pointing hers to let me know it's okay. I kiss her cheek and give her a hug. It feels good to have a mom who I can talk to and supports me no matter what, I've never had this before and it's good.

Sorry for the extra long chapter I just felt bad that I've been MIA for a few days but I'm back now and I'll be updating daily again! 😁