Vampires

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1. There is literally a whole category on wattpad for vampires, and nearly all of them end up with the vampire and the human together. These things are meant to be sucking your blood, people!!

2.Vampires have red eyes, or normal eyes that change to red or black. Why can't we have a vamp with nice, normal, grey eyes?

3. No vamps ever turn into bats, or are killed by daylight or crosses. None of that is even mentioned. I don't know about you, but if I ran into a vampire that didnt kill me straight away, the first thing I would do is make a cross with my hands.

4. The vampire is a boy, and the human is a girl. Because it would be so ridiculous if the girl was sucking blood. Why can't women wear the pants in the relationship?

5. The girl is a slave, is starved, beaten, not allowed sleep or shower yet has an hourglass figure, perfect skin and teeth, and doesn't smell. Umm, what drug are you on, and where can I get it?

6. One Direction are vampires, and feed nightly. Oh no, nobody ever recognises them and exposes them as sick lunatics. Can I get a shot of reality over here?

7. Vampires can go out in the daytime, but I've never read a vampire story in which the vamp is coloured. All of them are as pale as a white crayon.

9. No vampire ages at the normal speed. Ever. Is that not kind of disgusting, if you're in a relationship with a 768 year old? And what happens when you start to droop?

9. No vamp is poor. There must be some sort of law that states if you drink blood you get a mansion and money worth the crown jewels. Where do I sign up?

10. The new girl comes in, and almost immediately sees the vamp draining somebody of their blood. How has nobody else noticed that before?


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