Watch out for the big, bad wolf

Al knows everything

I suck. sorry for the extremely late update. explanations further down.

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-Al knows everything -

I sighed at my all-knowing friend. She saw right through the facade I tried to put up, wasn’t fooled by it at all. But not that I’m complaining. Sometimes it’s good that your friend knows you almost better than you do. It’s helpfull loads of times, like with guy problems. But I wasn’t sure if I was ready to talk about the whole Brad-Jonathan thing with her. It was just to much. The feelings I had were like tidal waves, drowning everything else, engulfing my brain in worry and sinking every coherent thought I had.

„Look, Al, it’s just that it is so confusing. I-I don’t even know what I’m feeling.“

She gave me a serious look. „Okay Red. You know how I feel about Teenagers claiming to be in love. You know that I don’t think that you’ll meet the love of your life as a teenager. No, love is something rather adults feel. People who sorted out their life, who are ready to settle down. Love to me means something permanent, and that can’t happen when you’re a teen because you are still changing, growing, learning. And normally, I’d say: ah come on, fuck this shit Red! Choose the one who’s better for you at the moment, maybe you can change later! But now... I don’t know, it’s just something about how you look at me with your eyes, how somewhat desperate some of your texts sounded. I know for a fact that you love both of these boys, even though one of them broke you to pieces. I know that you aren’t over Jonathan yet, fuck, I knew you weren’t over him when you told me that you were! That was two months after he left you! And until now, even more time has passed, and you still aren’t over him. But, back to what I was saying. You love both of them. But, the important question is with who have you fallen in love?“

I processed her little speech. It was a lot to take in, but she was right. I loved both of them. But I was in love with the other. I got what Al wanted to explain to me.

„But... you said teens don’t fall in love? You said they just love.“ I asked her, because that was the one thing that i was wondering about. She explained to me that teens shouldn’t be able to really fall in love, but still she said that I’ve fallen in love.

She sighed. „Red... You are much more mature than I am. I try to protect you from bad things, but you are able to handle them on your own. I go out all the times, doing „grown-up“ things like sex and drinking and what not. But you are much more grown up than me, I’m just some spoilt rich girl who tries to be different. But you have dealt with much more. You didn’t choose to be an outsider back at Woodhallhigh, but I did. So... to me, you qualify as an adult. And i think you can fall in love and you did.“

I was frozen. Al just told me I’m much more mature, an adult. She even said I was more grown up than her. I figured it was kind of a compliment. I looked over to the older and taller girl and saw that she had a slight blush on both of her cheeks. „Thanks.“ I murmured and she just nodded. No more words were needed at the moment.

We sat in silence for a bit and I mentally repeated her speech in my head. She said I loved both but only was in love with one. „But, Al, how do I find out which one I love and wich one I actually fell for?“ I asked her, hoping that she’d have an answer.

„I-I don’t know Red.“ She saw my disapointed and somewhat sad look so she continued.

„Look, I think that’s the thing I can’t help you with. That’s the thing you’ll have to figure out on your own. Because, okay, this will now sound fucking cheesy, you actually know in your heart who you really love. I-I don’t really know how to find out what your heart knows, but I’d give Brad a chance. He’s nice, from what you’ve told me, from what I’ve read from Nina’s blog, from the times I spoke with Brad... So yeah, he’s actually much better than that asshole Jonathan. But... If you figure out that you’re in love with Jonathan, there’s nothing we can do, you can’t fall out of love.“