That's Good, That's Bad ~ Chris Brown

Chapter 17

- Chris

I stopped kissing her and backed up for a minute.

"What's wrong?" She asked propping herself up on her elbows. I looked at her beautiful face, covered with makeup. Her half naked body, tattoos painted on her. This just wasn't Abelle and I couldn't force myself to do this with her.

"I-I'm sorry... I can't do this," I admitted combing my fingers through my curls.

"Why? What's the problem?" She asked. I know we promised to be honest, but one lie couldn't hurt.

"I'm not feelin it," I lied with a shrug.

"So you go from kissing and touching on me, to 'not feelin it'?" She asked using air quotes. I sighed and looked down at my lap.

"Maybe you should just... Go home," I said a little reluctantly. I could see her face drop for a second and then change to a blank stare. That, right there, is what I don't like.

She scoffed and narrowed her eyes at me; clearly offended and gathered her things angrily. I wanted to explain to her what I was feeling, but today was already too emotional as it is. I held my head down as she made her way out the door, slamming it angrily.

I cursed myself and collapsed onto my bed feeling stupid and defeated all at once. I heard the sound of screeching tires and then my door being kicked open. I jumped up and ran towards the front with my hand on my glock and well finding Abelle standing there was a bit of a shock.

"I admitted how I felt about you despite all the doubt I had in my mind and you make me feel like a damn fool. I had a feeling this shit would happen and I should've listened to my instincts instead of trusting you. It really ain't a surprise that you let me down, but fuck you anyway, Christopher," she said throwing up her middle finger.

"Abelle, you and I both know we aren't ready for what was about to happen in that bedroom," I replied calmly. Which wasn't true, I was the one who really wasn't ready.

"You haven't learned a fucking thing when we were broken up!!" She shrieked. "Oh! And another thing, lose my fucking number!!" She threw a couple punches at me and then walked out the door leaving me to cry, just like she did the first time we broke up.

- Abelle

UGGGHHH!!! I couldn't believe him!! After everything we talked about, he still does me dirty?! He lied in my face!! I don't understand what's so hard about telling me the truth! Was it me? Am I that bad?!

At that point I hated myself and hated everything about this new person I created. I sped back to Aubrey's house hoping to get to that weed that I had hidden. I stopped at a corner store and grabbed a bottle of Grey Goose. I shoved some money over the counter and exited whilst turning my phone off to escape everyone.

I opened the bottle of Grey Goose, feeling like I was drowning in my own tears and chugged as much of it as I could until it was spilling in between the corners of my lips. I sighed and wiped my mouth already feeling drunk. I got into my car and sped off.

Once I got home I could hardly stand up and my clothes were falling off every part of my body. I tossed my phone into a bush and then kicked my shoes off at the door. I walked inside and went on a search for something stronger than weed. Marijuana wouldn't patch up shit right now.

With only half of a cup of Grey Goose left, I stumbled into Aubrey's bedroom. I wiped my eyes and began to tear up everything in sight. I was so angry with Chris, with myself, with everything. I just couldn't get shit right and the more Chris told the truth about me, the angrier I got and the harder it was for me to accept it.

I knocked over dressers and punched holes in walls and ripped the bed apart. "Nobody cares about Abelle, right?" I said picking up a piece of broken glass. I looked down at my ugly reflection and rolled my eyes. "All this goddamn make up in my face." I rubbed at my cheeks to get some of the runny eyeliner and mascara off.

In the reflection of the mirror, I saw a bag of sterilized needles and a bag sitting in a hollow part of the wall. I turned towards it and picked it up. Clearly it was Heroin. "Abelle, takes care of her damn self."

***

"Abelle!!! ABELLE!!! Wake up!! Please, wake up!!" A strong voice yelled in my ear. I couldn't open my eyes, no matter how bad I wanted to, I couldn't.

"Baby, please!!!" The voice was now sobbing hysterically. I could feel the tears all over my neck, I fidgeted in his arms and suddenly felt myself being lifted off the ground.

"C'mon, baby. Wake up," he whispered in my ear. He sat me down on something hard and cold and then I heard a squeak. I jerked awake feeling cold water being rushed onto my body. The light was too bright and I was so woozy I could barely hold my head up.

As I blinked several times and struggled to keep my eyes open I could see a tall man standing over me and instantly I knew it was Chris. I began to cry and I couldn't figure out my reasoning behind it.

"Why did you do this to yourself?" He asked turning the water off.

"I hate myself so much I don't know what to do. I can't look at myself in the mirror without being disgusted," I answered. I was still kind of high, but obviously I was telling the truth.

"Abelle, weed is one thing, but Heroin is a whole OTHER thing!" He shouted at me. I rolled my eyes and tried to get out of the bathtub.

"Man fuck you," I said crawling back into Aubrey's room.

"Where do you think you're going?!" He shrieked.

"TO GET MORE!!!!" I yelled angrily. "DON'T NOBODY GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ME, BUT ME!!!"

"You're so fucking wrong and you're such a fucking drama queen!!" He bellowed. I picked up the needle and he tore it out of my hands and tossed it out the window.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?!?!?!"

"ABELLE, I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF YOU PUSHING ME AWAY!!!!!! I FUCK UP ONCE AND YOU GO CRAZY!!!!!! GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY AND REALIZE THAT SOMEONE DOES CARE ABOUT YOU!!!!!!" He roared.

"WHO!?!?! MY PARENTS DON'T CARE ANYMORE!!!! I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS!!! WHO THE HELL CARES ABOUT ME!?!?!"

"I DO DAMMIT!!!" He picked my up by my arms and brought himself face to face with me. "I LOVE YOU FOR YOU AND NO OTHER REASON ELSE!!!! STOP TRYING TO BE SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT SO YOU DON'T GET HURT!!!!!!"

"Why? Why should I stop? All YOU do is hurt me!"

"I can't deal with you anymore. I really fucking can't. You are the most selfish, attention whoreish person I have ever met," His words were daggers to my heart and this was what made me hate him, he always told the truth. "Abelle, what your problem is, you can't handle the truth. And if you can't handle the truth, there's no reason for me to be around because that's all I can do. Have a nice life."

I watched him walk out on me for the very first time in my life. I gotta say... I felt like someone took away my oxygen. Like someone took away the life inside of me. And THAT hurt way more than getting shot.