fading voices [ the SEQUEL to little talks ]

[ 29 ]

who knew happiness could feel so good, without hurting much?

me: shit. wow. shit.

???: yeah. uh, it's what you think it is.

me: a...? is it...?

???: yes, you moron. ha. it's, well, a birth certificate. 

me: for you?

???: yes. 

me: i'm sorry.

???: this was a bad idea. i shouldn't have. i should go. okay, i'm goin-

me: no no no no no.

me: i'm sorry for not noticing.

???: oh. fuck. fuck. cooper. i'm sorry. i'm shaking, aren't i? oh god.

me: is it alright if i hug you?

???: come at me slowly, man. you might give me a heart attack.

me: is this okay? am i hugging you too tight? should i go get a blanket? there's a super comfy one in the closet.

???: no, this is nice. your hugs are pure. like a cute dog. except dogs are cute.

me: you don't have to keep wiping your eyes, i don't mind that you're crying. i will ignore that last comment, since we both know how horribly untrue it is.

me: i'm still your best friend. you can tell me anything. i know that sounds stupid, coming from me of all people. but it's true. i swear i'll tell you about HIM one day but i can't guarantee anything but, dude, you have to know that i will never stop being your friend. unless you torture kittens or something. which you'd never do. because you're the pure one, actually.

me: this doesn't change our friendship, ab-

me: except i just have to work on not calling you that. whoops. 

???: it's okay. it's weird for me too, just dropping my original namesake and all. but i've never felt more right. 

???: and i don't think you read the whole thing, stupid. it has my new name on it.

me: oh, let me see that again. this is a copy, right? can i frame this? 

me: there we go! here it is. let me continue on, al. 

me: this doesn't change our friendship. it might've, though, if you'd chosen a name like 'aberforth' or 'albus' - can i call you dumbledore as an inside joke now? everyone will think it has some weird significance, but it's literally a reference to me making a completely shit joke about a literal transphobe after a very-serious revelation -- 

me: oh my fuck ab- alex i am the biggest fucking moron, jesus christ i  am --

al: cooper, i know you're not a transphobe. we hiss at terfs in this friendship. 

me: and menace harry-potter-adults!

al: but how could you forget the most integral part?

me: that's my foot-in-mouth, i guess.

me: i still can't believe i can keep this. you're a wonder, al.

al: i kind of love you. please friend-marry me. and frame it up. 

me: of course, al. we're a brotp now.