fading voices [ the SEQUEL to little talks ]

[ 30 ]

everything was going so good, i needed to hurt. happy fucking new year.

me: i don't know why i'm calling. it's ringing. wasn't i blocked last week? she's not going to pick up. she's not going to pick up. she's not going to - 

nina: hello?

me: oh, hey. 

nina: ...

me: yeah, it's me. happy christmas and new year and stuff. 

nina: are you... fucking with me?

me: i'm sorry. 

nina: for what laundry list?

me: for everything. for calling you, for everything. for not telling you the truth. for ruining our relationship and then running it over with my stupid goddamn proverbial truck of fucked-upness. 

nina: well thanks. happy fucking christmas. 

me: nina - 

nina: fuck, cooper... why are you calling me? why now? why can't you just let this die? i unblocked you because i thought we both knew that it's over. i'm trying to be okay. you should too. 

me: so you really - y-you really feel nothing?

nina: are you drunk?

me: that doesn't matter. i... don't know why i called. i'm sorry. i should go.

nina: i can't take your "sad boy" bullshit, cooper. i get it, you fucked up and you love me still. i don't know.  but you hurt me so much, can't you fucking see that? i'm trying to recover. i'm trying to move on. 

me: ....

nina: fuck you. fuck off.  it's almost been a year and i don't owe you shit. fuck off. go fuck that abby girl, go fuck up the rest of your life. i don't care. i really don't care anymore. why can't you let go of me? i. don't. want. you. 

me: okay, i'm sorry, i won't.. i won't call you ag-

nina: did you tell her? does she know about your dead twin brother? does she know you're damaged? does she know what she's signing up for?

me: you think alb and i are a thing? i'm not in love with you like i was a year ago, but i still care about you and want you to know how  much i regret not telling you about him. you're hurt because i didn't tell you about my sick, dying brother? you're hurt because i'm hurt? fuck you, nina. i'm sorry i called you. 

nina: i'm not blocking you. please don't make me. bye, cooper. 

me: i wish she hadn't answered.