Intoxication Paranoia And A Lot Of Fame.

Chapter 9.

Vic’s POV.

Mike walked in on me just as I was punching my pillow pretty violently. “What the shit?” he asked, frowning at all my anger. I just shook my head and tried to calm down by breathing slowly. It was true what they said, tiny people were always more aggressive.

“Hey. What’s up?” Mike asked and sat down on my bed, grabbing my arm to force me to sit down as well. I unwillingly obeyed and crossed my arms as soon as he had let go of mine. I just shook my head and refused to tell him.

It’d been a while since I’d felt so strongly about something with such short notice. In fact there wasn’t any notice at all. As soon as I heard Kellin say that he had been fucking some random girl, I had just felt betrayed, disappointed and most of all angry. Which made no sense whatsoever, since we had no commitment to each other and he wasn’t even gay. I just felt that he had hurt my feelings. At the same time I was angry at myself for not being able to control my feelings.

I knew I had a crush on Kellin; I just didn’t want to admit it to anyone. I’d been staring at him when he’d been recording his vocals; I felt my stomach doing odd backflips every time he looked at me; whenever he smiled I felt my heart beat faster and I wanted to smile as well. It was horrible, but true nonetheless.

“You know you can tell me everything, right?” Mike reminded me and I nodded. I knew that perfectly well, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell about my stupid crush on Kellin to anyone. I didn’t want to put words on it. But annoying as my little brother was, he guessed it himself. “Is it because you have feelings for someone you aren’t supposed to have feelings for?” he asked.

As I made an annoyed noise, Mike just drew his own conclusions from that and probably assumed he was right. He didn’t ask who it was I had these forbidden feelings for, but I’m pretty sure he knew anyway. “Alright, well, you know it’ll pass, Vic. If you know it’s wrong and you know that you aren’t supposed to have these feelings, they’ll pass,” he said after a bit of silence and I just nodded, thereby confirming his theory.

“It doesn’t matter anyway, he doesn’t have feelings for me,” I told him whilst shrugging. He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to him for a moment, colliding his fist with my hair and rubbing harshly. I tried to get out of his grip, but didn’t succeed, and eventually he let go, grinning widely. “You know what’s the most important thing is,” he said, watching me as I fixed my hair.

I nodded and looked up at him. “La familia, los amigos y la musica,” I said, quoting our nana. Mike nodded and gave me a wide smile, clapping my arm. “Correct. That’s what matters the most, you shouldn’t worry your little Mexi head with things that has nothing to do with that,” he said, which made me nod again. I knew he was right, but damn, I couldn’t get Kellin out of my head. I needed to do something really drastic to make the thought of him leave me the fuck alone.

“Mike,” I said. He looked at me with his a brow raised and made an ‘mmhm’-noise. “I think I’ll be going out tonight,” I mumbled and dragged the words a bit, trying to hint to him what I meant. First he frowned at me and gave me an odd look as he didn’t really get why I told him that. He had no problem with me leaving if I wanted to, without telling him first. But then he realized what I was talking about and he bit his lip, before smiling cheekily at me. “That’s it, the solution to everything: casual sex!” he said well amused, and once again clapped my arm.

He left me in my room whilst I was trying to figure out what to do. Should I call one of the random guys I had the number of in my hook-up-book somewhere? Or should I go clubbing and hook up with some stranger in his apartment? Going out seemed most appealing to me, because then I’d have the chance of getting drunk as well, but on the other hand there was always the chance that I didn’t find someone I found attractive. I could always call one of the numbers in my book, then.

If I was a girl I’d apply the sluttiest of make-up and clothes, but instead I just grabbed a bottle of tequila from the kitchen and gave myself some shots whilst listening to Pantera, before deciding to head out the door to hit the nightlife. I was quite the role model.

~**~

As I came home later that night - or maybe morning was a more suitable word - really drunk, I tried to be as silent as possible. But I couldn’t stop myself from occasionally banging my legs into different things that were placed on the floor. For some reason I banged my knee against something that felt like the kitchen table.

Suddenly the light was on and I squinted at the sudden change. A shadow that looked unmistakably like Mike was standing in the door to the kitchen. I leaned against the table to keep myself from falling over. “Home so early?” Mike asked and I shrugged drunkenly.

Even as drunk as I was, I understood the questioning glance he sent me that moment. “Yeah, I did get laid, boy did I. He was so young but soooo good,” I informed him, smirking at the blurry memory. Mike grinned and shook his head. “I don’t wanna hear the details, dude. But good that you got some. Let me help you to bed,” he said and I didn’t protest as he put his arm around me to drag me to my bedroom.

“I don’t wanna think about Kellin anymore,” I blurted out, forgetting all about my policy of not mentioning him. Mike sighed deeply as he struggled a bit to pull my jeans off me. As I assumed before, he already knew my secret crush was on Kellin. Fortunately. “I just can’t get him to leave my mind, Mikey. He’s in there all the fucking time, not going anywhere. Not even when I was doing that kid, he was still in there. I wish it was him, all the time. I couldn’t think about anything else,” I told him. He pushed me up to sit so he could pull off my t-shirt and toss it on the floor next to my jeans, just listening to what I was telling him.

I lied back down as Mike finished undressing me and he made sure I was under the covers, before he headed for the door. “I’ll just get some water for you, alright?” he said and then left before I could say anything. My drunken brain didn’t work fast enough anyway, so I hadn’t registered that he was gone before he was back with a glass of water in his hands. He held it for me while I was drinking and made sure I didn’t spill. I felt a bit like a kid, but somehow it was kind of nice. He placed the glass on my table so I knew where it was if I needed it.

“Do you need a bucket?” he asked me, but I shook my head. I wasn’t that far out. He nodded and then watched me lie down properly, trying to tug myself in, which I wasn’t too good at. He then took over with a smile and quickly tugged me in, making sure I was comfortable before he headed for the door. “I love you, Mikey,” I mumbled, already half asleep. I didn’t see how he smiled a bit, before he turned off the light. “I love you too, Vicky,” he whispered, closing the door behind him.