I am benumbed
By the people around me
I can't feel an ounce of anything
No anxiety
Or fear
But I can't believe it
Is this laughter?
Escaping my lips?
Am I enjoying my classes
Or just observing them?
Everyone is smiling
They all forgot what happened
The words said
And friendships broken
Smoke rising from my lips
Again
That's the one feeling I have
Light headed
Joking
Tearing each other apart
Maybe I find the smoke
So beautiful
Because I'm clinging to everything
About him
He still loves me
I can't think
Talk
Breath
Sleep
With him in my head
I worked so hard to pry him out
One knock and he's in
Again
I want to go the festival
To see him
But the only thing I'll see
Is his ghost
Speaking of ghosts
I feel the ghost
Of this strange thing
Tugging upon my lips
And strumming my vocal chords
Is this a smile
Is this laughter
How long has it been?
I missed you too much
This feeling
I won't talk to the people
Who's sentences I cannot
Will not
Forget
Not Joey
Who called me a slut
Not Natalie
Who called me a bully
Not Shannon
Who said no one would want me
The way I am
I know no one wants me
Don't you know
That these cuts aren't scars
But just tear tracks
That stayed on my skin
I will not change
For anyone
Teachers glare down kids
Kids laugh at them
Foggy blue eyes
Starting at fresh green ones
They want respect in this school
You won't get there
I promise you that
I stretch the truth
But not about things
That will tear apart
The delicate
Decaying
Social climate
Kids don't care
And neither do you
So don't cry about it anymore
We know we're drop outs
Burn outs
But maybe I can get somewhere
With these knock out eyes
And dagger tongue
The girls are hidden
Beneath the make up and clothes
She talked to me
Because she recognized my face
But no one can
Because you can actually see it now
The boys are acting like
they own the place
Sauntering down the halls
But in honesty
The only thing that runs this place
Is the running joke
Of success in this hellhole
The bell rings for the last time today
Shaking the cobwebs from its digital
System
Asking if you're late
Asking if you care
But it echoes sadly
Because it already knows
I pack my bags
And get ready for the ride
Awkward tension
Between the girl
I sent to the hospital
The girl who almost ruined my life
I don't want to talk to her
I'm too dangerous
And she's too triggering
I drag my empty body off the bus
Enter the empty house
I go upstairs and crawl onto
My haven
Curl up
And cry out the toxins in my system
From the poison in the air
At this "professional workplace"
There is nothing professional about
Falling apart
