Daddy!Eren x Mommy!Reader MORE THAN LOVE...

Part 32 Josh

*Josh's PoV*

I felt like falling asleep right there. I wasnt comfortable nor warm just plain tired. I looked around for a minute observing my surroundings. No one in sight,I mean obviously there won't be no one. It's about 6 p.m.,raining,freezing cold,and completely dark. Only the street lamps that lit up the sidewalk were illuminating this dark and gloomy afternoon.

I was sitting in a bench in front of a park - my park - right under a street lamp. I always came here after school. I read and sometimes ended up taking a nap. I still don't know how I haven't gotten kidnapped after almost 5 years of this same routine. A 10 year old alone at a park could look good to any geezer.

"Sleep..."

They whisper in my head. I didn't want to sleep - I didn't need to - but yet they told me to so all of a sudden my body wanted it. I tried my hardest to keep them open,but I couldn't. Sleep slowly dawned on me as my eyes shut yet again.

-Time Skip-

I woke up feeling cold,and again looked around. It was still raining,and I was still on the bench at the park. How long was I there? I had no idea. I wanted to go home,but I was scared to. Although,scared isn't necessarily the right word - terrified - would be better,but still doesn't feel right.

Everyday coming home to my suicidally depressed mom was an image that is unforgettable. She works,or at least she tries,for the both of us. After my dad left without a trace my mom completely broke. She was left shattered all because of a man who broke her heart too many times to count. A cheater,gambler,lier,drug addict,lazy miserable,unforgivable,bastard is all he was. Yet my mom can't see that - she won't.

I don't remember how old I was when he left - I don't even remember him - but that's enough to tell me I was too young.  Or maybe I wasn't even born yet.

I sigh getting up and walking towards home. Once my mom notices I'm not home yet she'll lose 'the little hope' she has left. Or maybe it's barely 7 p.m. and I only slept an hour. I don't know,but I still need to go home.

"Hurry..."

They said in my head in a tone that seemed worried,and as they said this I started walking faster. Was it me or them? I have no idea. I don't even know how this started or when it did - or especially why it did. I just hear them,and feel the pain they occasionally give me.

One day my mom heard me talking to myself. She said it's  just my imagination - 'it's all in my head.' Maybe it is all in my head - maybe I'm going insane - I'm just imagining them talking to me. A 10 year old going insane is almost laughable - it is laughable - but I hear them. I know for a fact they're in my head. Whether it's my sixth sense awakening or an imaginary friend speaking to me I could still hear them. They were there.

The pain although was different. Different pains in different areas at different places and different times. Some hurt more than others while some were barely a sting. Once I felt like I was being gutted alive while another time I felt like I was being pricked by a needle. One lasted longer than the other,and one was a miserable pain I will never forget.

'Maybe it is my sixth sense.'

What if I was one of those kids that were born with problems with their pasts? What if  I was one of those kids that are always being haunted? What if these voices...are actual people,and this pain...was the pain they felt. What if I was one of those kids that were just plain insane?

I don't know,and I don't have anymore time to think of this. I was standing in front of my door ready to knock,but stopped myself. Instead I turned the door knob remembering how it was usually unlocked. I entered in cautiously looking around like if I had no idea where I was and something was going to spring up and scare me. Our house was pretty small,but it was just me and her. I was going to have a sister. Key word being was. She was about 4 months to being born,but depression was even closer and stronger. She would be around 6 years old right now,and just thinking about her gives me chills.

I noticed my mom sitting in a chair with her head and arms on the table. She had her head tucked in her arms and wasn't moving. She was probably asleep. I looked at her and felt hurt - it hurt me seeing her like this. It reminded me of when she would fall asleep on the couch,table,and even the floor sometimes waiting for my dad. She'd hope that maybe one day he'd return,and she still has hope he will. Even when she told me he screamed his hatred toward me and her,and walked out saying his final goodbye with his materials in hand - she hoped.

I walked to her dropping my backpack on the couch. Me and my mom weren't exactly close,but we didn't hate each other. We barely talked,but we tried to. I was barely home,and she always seemed sad,but when we talked it was just short conversations.

I shook her calling to her.

"Mom...mom." I whispered not wanting to scare her awake.

She slowly lifted her head,and I stared at her. Her short messy hair that seemed like it was cut by a person with one hand could say it all,but adding to that were the incredibly deep and dark bags under her eyes along with her messy tear stained face,and unchanged clothing.

Her eyes widened realizing it was me. "Josh...is that you..? Where were you!? I was waiting all afternoon!"

She said this trying to sound strict,but by motherly nature a worried tone was audible.

"I..was at the park. I'm sorry...I fell asleep and-" she cut me off once she heard the word sleep.

"Wait a minute. Josh you fell asleep at the park!? That's dangerous! Why didn't you just come home? Why do you always go there,anyway? Is there something there that's not here?"

What do I tell her now? I can't just say that I hate seeing her depressed,and I rather not be near her. That would only sadden hear more.

"I just like being alone...I read."

"You read at the park? You can read here...it would be nice not to be alone all day in the house," she became even sadder if that was still possible. "but it's your choice, Josh! You can come home or go and spend your own time. As long as you come home I'll be happy!" She tilted her head a bit changing her expression completely to a close-eyed smile.

I stared at her and just nodded like a complete idiot. I don't know why seeing her smile and talk that way left me speechless,but it did. Then she turned to face forward with a sigh.

"Anything else you want to talk about?" She asked looking down at some papers in front of her.

"Hug her."

It was the voices again,but it was only one. It seemed odd - there was usually a lot more. Either way my body still obeyed...or was it just me?

I hugged her,and she seemed shocked and tense at first,but eased into it realizing it was just me. She turned and returned the hug. She was crying letting a lot of pent up emotions fall out. I felt the urge to cry as well,but I was stubborn enough to hold the tears in.

We let go and she ruffled my hair with a smile,and tears in her eyes "Thanks,Joshy..."

Again that night I felt unbearable pain. It felt like my hand was being chopped off. As I cried there in my bed I would have never guessed that I'd see my father again that same night.