What happened to my dad?

My Cow Has Cancer, So Should You!

The first couple of battles were kinda easy. We were able to knock out a couple thousand easily. If battles continue Like this, 500 billion should be no problem. By this point we had a small army of around 70 survivors we saved throughout the city. We had a chain of command, Nic was the King, Tanner was his heir, Zach and I were generals, Matt and Jessica were Lieutenants, so on and so forth.  As I was walking through some of the conquered minion territory, I realized something: if any of us die, it won't matter. Just as long as some of us live to take out the rest, then we get a reset and everything goes back to the way it was. And this time, no more minions, no more Steve Harvey, and no more worries. Everything will be just fine.
I walked past a pile of rubble and noticed something moving. I went to dig it up when I saw a worthless piece of shits hand. I knew exactly what his hand looked like when he showed me me his hentai poster all those months ago before the cock slappery. But why here? Why now? I'm tired of this cunt coming in and messing shit up. I raised my gun, but as I was about to pull the trigger but then I heard Nic yelling from behind me

"WAIT!!!!" he yelled running towards me.

I lowered my gun
"We can use him. He is valuable to Steve Harvey, that's why he revived him. We can hold him hostage, negotiate giving us the remaining minions we need to kill, and everything will be back to normal."
That was a very brilliant idea. Like having a holocaust of minions. He is such a brilliant king. I took Corey by the neck as he screeched out in pain. Nic put rope around his hands and I set him down, and we walked toward the abortion clinic. This war might just be won.

We made a video with our demands on it and sent it. We let Appa hump Corey for 4 days straight (ha, I bet you forgot about Appa, you fucking disgrace). Eventually we finally got a reply from Steve Harvey. It was a letter attached to a severed dick. We opened the letter and it read "we accept your deal, we will trade minions for Corey. We'll give you minions first, just don't hurt Corey."
They must be really desperate.
"Zach, prepare a letter in response, tell them to drop the minions in the spike pit" we made a spike pit to execute the minions
"FUCK PISS SHIT CUNT" Zach shouted
Through out the fighting, Zach had developed tourrettes syndrome (it's really not funny, he can't even sleep. Poor guy). Appa started to hump Corey again.
"Fucking mom, bitching about my alarm clock" he mumbled.
I don't even know what he's talking about, but it sounds edgy as fuck. Zach got done making the letter and we sent it away.