"She's Not Afraid : A Harry Styles Fan Fic" by EB

Chapter 20: All at once, where is yesterday?

            Harry's POV:

     I drop on my knees and I wrap my arms around her legs, I can feel her shaking as  she brings herself down to my level. Taking me in her arms wrapping hers around me.

            "Harry I need to you to be honest with me. Please" she begs. And I can feel the pain in her voice.

            "I have to let you go Jade, you don't deserve this but its for the best" I break.  Her eyes widened and her mouth drops and she plumps her lips holding herself from breaking down. I noticed the pace in her breathing her chest rising up and down like she is grasping for air. 

            "Jade" I let her name leave my mouth worried.

            "But you said you wouldn't. You said you will fix this? You said you would never let me go. What changed?" And I feel for once speechless no words could come up with an excuse. I know that not answering its worse than hearing nothing at all. In my mind I kept asking myself how could I look at her, someone I loved and tell myself that it was time to walk away? And let her go so she can find the happiness and security I won't be able to give her. Just as expected my silence was even more threatening.

Jade's POV:

            "Is this it. Is this really what we have become after all the up and downs. Your just going to tear me away from you?!" My heart was broken I knew this was all good to be true . A love like this can't ever happen to a girl like me. I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom. Everything around me felt cold making me feel even more alone. Why would he make me believe that he would makes us work to pull the trigger and wound me like this. He didn't need to fix us he broke us, when all I wanted from the first place is for both of us to be happy for him to be happy. I guess this will never be enough for him.

            I bring my knees closer in to me as I hold punch myself in my thigh for being so stupid so naive. I can feel the tears streaming down my face and my mascara running everywhere. I felt so betrayed so empty : Why the hell was I here in the first place? Oh yeah because he asked me to come home. To his home in England. What the heck was I supposed to do now I asked myself as I gather my thoughts. I shut my eyes close praying that this sudden nightmare would end that I could just make this pain in my heart disappear but it wouldn't go away. I pull myself together to pack up my bags to leave first thing in the morning but I couldn't stay here no longer. I am surprised that his mom and his sister I haven't woken up from his entrance downstairs.

            This whole things keeps cutting me open and every time it seems to keep getting worse trying to fill my head with doubts. I try to keep myself from falling of staying strong. I don't care what no one says, even though they seem to keep pulling us away from each other. I know that we could be so much more than this. But this whole thing is starting to take a toll on the both of us and I can see him draining in his choices. And I keep thinking it will get better with time, but just seem to take a step forward and now backtrack. I know he was letting me go so I could be free from all of this, but its not what I minded.

            The thought of living without him in my life was worse than if I had never met him at all. Because at least back then I would have still seen it as a platonic love. But now that I had him that we had made this a real relationship how could I ever erase him from my skin, my thoughts, my heart, my mind, my things, really just me. All that I would be left of him and I would be memories. And the simple thought of it was agonizing and it made my heart break even harder.  I guess its true when they say that  too much of anything could make kill you slowly, just like the fight for this love . I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I never thought it would be this hard at least that's how he is making this feel like. Aren't we worth fighting for? He was just letting them take it away from us. And I definitely wasn't ready for this, I don't really think anyone is.

            I stand up cleaning off the smeared makeup off of my face. Just when I'm about to open the door Harry knocks on it and I refuse to open it. I can't face him right now I am already broken enough, aren't I?

             "Jade babe would you come to bed please don't let me sleep alone." he says through the door. How dare he ask me to come with him when he just let me go.  Why can't he make up his mind. I lie to myself saying that this whole letting me go its just a drunk act of his, and that he probably would regret everything in the morning. Maybe I could talk to him when he is sober, but something inside me for the first time was really afraid of losing him.  Because I love him.

             I turn the knob and open the door his body is balancing off the door frame. His tears are smeared on his face but his frown turns into a half smile when I open the door.

            "Harry you need to take a bath I am not sleeping with you smelling like that" I snap. And he has the audacity to let out a small smirk in his face after all that has happened.

            "I'm sorry, I will." he says once he saw I was not amused by his action. I walk past him as I crawled into bed turning myself away from the bathroom door. I am so torn and broken I crawl into a fetus position biting the blanket trying not to cry or make a sound. Harry takes a bath and comes crawling into bed. He tries to get closer to me but I turn away from facing him. I forced myself to go to sleep to ignore him mentioning my name trying to ease my heart break.  "What? Harry please just go to sleep. We can talk in the morning!" I bark annoyingly.  Who tries to hold a conversation in the middle of the night while they are still drunk or so I thought.

Author's Note: 2 more chapters and the story is done. If you want to get the next two chapters posted early vote on this chapter!!! <3 like share comment  thank you soo much hope you are enjoying it. I cried a lot while writing this chapter and next one after this!  XXX