Denial Over You (boyxboy)

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen:

Axenus watched Alair as he zapped the mouse that had kept scuttling around in his room. He didn't quite mind that Alair had gotten rid of it. The mouse had been extremely obnoxious. He'd made a few sarcastic comments about the mouse to Alair, trying to lighten the boy's mood. It seemed as though nothing could lighten his mood though. Sure, he smiled at his jokes, but he never seemed to actually feel happy.

"Axenus, what do you think of me?" Alair asked as they headed to the kitchen to grab a drink. Axenus had saved some blood in the fridge from his last hunt. It was running low since Alair was drinking it too, and he seemed to be constantly thirsty. He reminded him of an animal that hadn't drank anything in a long time.

"I think you're a great guy," he said with a friendly grin. Alair looked down at his feet and shifted a little so that he was closer to Axenus.

"No, what do you think of me?" He corrected. Axenus swallowed. This was the one question that he had been dreading. He was direly hoping that Alair wouldn't ask him until he could sort out what he felt.

So, he said, "I don't know." Alair looked at him, hurt flashing in his eyes. Axenus gently grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

"Look, my emotions... It's complicated. Right now I'm a bit confused. I've never really cared about anyone in a long time. I learned to bottle up my emotions because I was scared of them," Axenus told him. Alair looked doubtful as he gazed up into his eyes.

Axenus studied Avernus's brother curiously. He had some questions he wanted to ask himself.

"Do you like me?" He blurted, unable to restrain his curiosity.

"Yes, you're quite entertaining," Alair replied.

"No, do you like me?"

"I-I cannot tell you that. I will not tell you that. You don't even know about your emotions. You cannot ask me of mine." Alair looked upset as he backed away. Axenus immediately missed the warmth of Alair as he moved away from him. Maybe he wasn't so emotionless. Perhaps he actually did like Alair, but was too scared that he would do what his past lover did.

"Alair, please. I need you to tell me. I-I have trust issues," he admitted loudly. Alair stopped moving away from him and turned around.

"Why? Why do you have trust issues? Have I not proved myself?" His voice was raised higher than he'd ever heard outside of the bedroom.

"I loved someone once. A man," Axenus explained. Alair stared at him in confusion. He didn't understand why Axenus was telling him this.

"Why are you telling me this?"

Axenus continued on as though Alair had never spoken, "this man I loved, he said things to me. He told me that he loved me too. At first, it was great. I was oblivious to what was going on behind closed curtains. He told me that I was his everything, until one day he let the cat out of the bag. He told me he was married. He said that he couldn't tell me because he enjoyed spending time with me and he didn't want to ruin our relationship. I remember standing up and telling him that he just did, but he stood up and told me that he was going to divorce her. I asked him if he had children, he told me he did, but he would still get to see them after the divorce. I stupidly let him trick me into thinking that he actually loved me."

Axenus looked away from Alair, feeling slightly awkward as he told him the story of his first romantic endeavor.

"So, I stayed with him. Every time we went out, I would ask him if he had gotten the divorce papers. He told me that he hadn't. He was often busy with work so he never had time. I let it slide so many times because I was so in love with him. He was charming and he said the most beautiful things to me. He made me feel like I was important. I didn't feel like a monster who needed to feed off of animals all of the time. I never craved blood while I was with him. I was always so calm and content," Axenus smiled as he remembered what if felt like.