First Comes Friendship

Chapter 9: Awkward

I woke up the next morning and Elle was lying naked on the bed next to me. She looked so beautiful, so peaceful. I did not know what to do. I could not believe what had happened the night before. I could not believe we actually slept together. This was so unlike her, unlike us in a way.

Part of me was glad we finally had sex, after all I had waited for this for so long, but the other part of me was wondering 'what the hell were we thinking?' Maybe this should never have happened. Maybe we should never have crossed that line. Sex with her was simply amazing, but what if she was just drunk and horny and is regretting what happened? As deep as my feelings were for her, was I truly ready to really be with her as her boyfriend and not just as her friend? Will she assume we are boyfriend and girlfriend? I knew that for Elle sex was more than just sex, but what if this time that's all it was?

I cared about her, I really did, maybe I even loved her but I was not one to settle down or anything and I knew that she was looking for "the one" and I never saw myself as "the one" material, but for her, I would do and try anything. For her, I would be exclusive, for her I would clean up my act and stop with this one night stand only policy, but what if that was not what she wanted. What if, much like I had done to other women in the past, she was just using me for sex?

Suddenly she opened her eyes and looked at me. I did not know what to do or what to say. The look on her face told me that she was not sure what to say either. She blushed and sat up abruptly, holding on to the sheet to cover herself up while looking for her clothes. I got up to help her, grabbing her lacy thong underwear from my nightstand and handing it to her.

"Good morning" I finally said to her.

There was a trace of nervousness in my voice.

She grabbed her underwear from me and quickly put it on.

"Morning" she avoided looking at me.

Her mood was unreadable

"How did you sleep?"

I leaned in to kiss her neck, but she turned away from me.

"Okay I guess. Listen, I have an early class today, so I can't stay"

I knew she did not have an early class. She never had an early class. We had had this conversation many times before. She would not take a class if it started any earlier than 10:00. She did that thing where she rubbed her nose gently with her index finger when she was a little uncomfortable. Maybe she regretted what had happened last night. Maybe she wanted to go back to being friends, just friends.

"Okay. I have a bunch of things to do too today so I should get moving too. Will I see you tomorrow at the party?"

We had already agreed to go to this house party that a friend of mine was having.

She finished putting on her shirt and grabbed her purse.

"Ya sure, I'll see you then. I gotta run okay, bye."

I got up to give her a hug, but she just waived as she headed out the door. I stood there for a moment, unsure of what had happened, then I went back to my bedroom. She was gone, but my sheets still smelled like her strawberry perfume as a reminder of what we had done the night before. I sat there thinking of her and what I should say to her, but not finding the right words. I loved her, but I did not know if I was ready for her to know that and if I was ready to give myself to her in that way. Given the way she had left, I knew that she was confused and scared too.

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Elle did not show up at the party the next day. I spent most of the night looking at the door hoping she would suddenly walk through. Every time I called her I got her answering machine. I never left a message, I just did not know what to say or rather what I should say. It was unlike her to act like this, so clearly I was not the only one having a hard time dealing with this situation.