First Comes Friendship

Chapter 13: Breaking up is never easy

Elle and I were walking down the street holding hands when we ran into a friend of ours, Scott. Force of habit I guess, I just dropped Elle's hand when I spotted him. Of course Scott knew about us, but for some reason, I still felt somewhat uneasy about public displays of affections in front of the people we knew.

Elle gave me a look, she obviously did not appreciate what I had just done, but she did not have a chance to say anything because Scott went to give her a hug.

"It's been so long since I've seen you guys! Where have you been hiding? We never see you around anymore!" he complained.

He shook my hand. He was right, although Elle and I had gone public a few weeks back, we had not been out much with the rest of our friends.

"We've been around, we've been busy with summer school and what not" that was not exactly true, but oh well!

"Oh I know, I'll be glad when this semester is finally over! Well we should still hang out soon. I heard great things about this club that just opened on Main street, what do you say we go there next week and party a little?"

"Sure that sounds good" I replied.

"What about you Elle?" Scott asked hopeful. He had always liked to hang out with her and the fact that her and I were dating didn't really change anything about that for him.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to let loose a little, plus I feel like I've been cooped up for too long so it would be nice to hang out with everyone for a change."

She was looking straight at me, actually she was glaring at me. She was mad, I was going to get an ear full later. Scott seemed to notice the tension between us and it was obvious that he could not wait to get away from us.

"O-Okay, great that's settled then! I'll call around and I'll try to get a bunch of us on guest list. Ok, I gotta run, but it was nice seeing you guys!"

Elle reached to give him a big hug and she lingered a little too long. She knew how I did not like it when she did that, so she was doing it just to get back at me.

"It was so nice to see you too Scott!" she cooed.

I could see that Elle had a forced smile on her face and as soon as Scott was out of sight, she spoke her mind.

"I can't do this anymore. I can't be walking down the street with you holding your hand and have to drop it every time someone we know walks by! We've been together for a while now. We've gone public with our relationship so what the hell is your problem?"

"I don't have a problem, it's just, it's just complicated..."

"It's not complicated, you're either ashamed of being with me or you just want to be able to bring home a girl without the fear that someone will tell me about it." Wow I guess she was still a little bitter about that one, but then again I couldn't really blame her, I did betray her in the worst way possible.

"It's not like that..." or was it?

"Really? Then what is it?"

"uhmm" I was running out of excuses, running out of time. She had me cornered and truth be told, I was not sure if I could or should get out of it this time, at least for her sake. I didn't want to hurt her any more than I had already.

"You know I didn't force you into to this. I knew who you were, so I didn't want to push my luck by asking you to be exclusive at least at first. I was happy being friends, then friends with benefits, but you charmed me, you said you wanted us to be together, a real couple, you said that you wanted us to be boyfriend and girlfriend!" I could see the rage building up in her small frame. I had hurt her once again and I hated myself for it.

"I did." I answered in a small voice, unsure whether my answer would change anything or not. She was beyond mad and this time I didn't think there was really anything I could do to change her mind.

"But did you really mean it?" Did I? Of course I did! "Did you just want me to fall for you so that you could crush me like I was just one of your other one night stands? Is that what you wanted?" No, that wasn't it!

"I never meant to hurt you, and I don't want to hurt you either, I I I..." as much as I wanted to say it, I couldn't. I couldn't tell her that I loved her even if it meant saving our relationship. I was  just not ready to say those words out loud.

"You what, like me? You want to keep me on the side 'cause the sex is good and we get along, but you still want some action on the side to keep this fresh, to give you the trill of the chase? Well it's not gonna happen, I won't be that girl! You choose, it's either me and only me or we're threw and I'm out." Was she serious? Could she really be done with me for good?

I was dumbfounded, she had caught me completely off guard and for a second I could not speak. I guess she took my silence as a sign that I did not want to be with her so she just started to walk away. Tears running down her face, she looked furious and upset all at the same time.

"Please don't go!"

She turned around to look at me.

"It's too late David, it's too late... I just can't take this anymore, I just can't, be with you anymore, not like that, I just can't... I'm sorry"

I just stood there, paralyzed by her words.

"I wish we could be together, I really do, but I can't get hurt anymore, I don't want to get hurt anymore. I can't do it. You were everything to me David, but I just don't think that I'm your everything, and that's okay, it just means that I should move on and find someone else and so should you." I wanted to tell her that it was a lie, that she was my everything too, but I didn't and I don't know why I didn't.

"I deserve to be happy David and so do you and if that means that we can't be part of each other's lives, then so be it I guess." Wait she couldn't be serious about this right, I needed her in my life.

"but I"

"No David, there is no but, it's over, we're over.  I'm not going to lie and say that I won't miss you, that I won't think about you because I will, but with time it will get better. Goodbye David, take care of yourself." She placed her delicate hand on my chin forcing me to look in her eyes and she placed a gentle kiss on my lips. It was so sweet, but too quick and as soon as her lips left mine I felt cold, empty. And then she just left and as she disappeared from my line of sight, I whispered to myself, because there was no point saying it out loud anymore.

"Don't leave me, please don't leave me..."

But it was too late, she did not hear me. She left. She just said she could not be part of my life anymore. I knew what she said would probably haunt me for years to come. Part of me couldn't believe what had happened, I could not believe that she could just forget about me and move on with her life. We were friends, best friends she had always been there for me and now she was gone for good and there would be no way of fixing it this time.

Over the years, I had heard other people talking about broken hearts and what not, but I never thought it was something that would happen to me. I never thought I would fall for someone so hard that just the mere thought of not being with them would hurt me, but within hours of her leaving me I felt empty and alone,  without her, I was only the shell of a man. What was I supposed to do now? I was such an idiot, I just let her walk away, I should have stopped her, told her that she was wrong. I should not have been such a dumb ass and worked harder at being a good boyfriend! She was right, I should have been proud to be with her, held her hand everywhere we went, I should have kiss her in front of everyone too. I should have bought her chocolate and flowers every once in a while, told her how much I cared about her every day. I should not have taken her for granted. I should have done so much more, but I did not, and now it was too late, she was gone, we were over.

Why did I have to be so selfish? Why could I not just commit to her and to our relationship? So many guys want to be with her, and I had her but I totally screwed it up.  Things didn't get better once I got home. Everything around me suddenly reminded me of her. Her scent was everywhere and smelling it made my head spin. I found one of her shirts and held it close to me as I laid in my bed, praying for sleep that would never come.

A/N As always, thank you so much for reading! I'm honored that you chose to read my book!