First Comes Friendship

Chapter 15: 5 years later

Five years, five long years have gone by since I have seen Elle and still not a day goes by without me thinking of her and what we had. When I close my eyes I can still see her beautiful blue eyes staring back at me and I can still hear that contagious laugh of hers. Often, when I wake up at night, I can still smell her strawberry perfume as if she had just been lying next to me. The memories of her simply haunt me and it is not enough for me anymore, I want her back, I want to be with her again.

Now I am back where it all started, where it all ended and I am ready to tell her the truth. I was young and I was scared, not that it excuses everything, and I did not have the courage to face my feelings back then. But I should have tried harder to find her, I should have done everything in my power to get her back, I should have told her that I loved her a long long time ago.

When Mark called me out of the blue and told me that he had ran into Elle while visiting Montreal, I was completely shocked. I could not believe that she was there and from what Mark told me, she had been there all along. After a bit of pushing, he caved and gave me her address. I drove into town straightaway to go see her.

I just hoped that I was not too late, that there was still time for us, that after all these years she had not replaced me. I did not want to imagine her with another man, I did not want to go on with my life if it meant never being with her again. It took me five whole years to find her again, and there she was, in the city where we met, right where I left her. As I sat in my hotel room, I decided to write to her and profess my undying love to her. Even if she turned me down, at least I will know that in the end, I did everything in my power to get her back.

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Dear Elle,

It has been five years since I have been here, five years since I last saw you, five years since you said goodbye. Even if I know that you did the right thing for you by walking away from me then, part of me still misses you and wishes that we never broke up. I remember everything that happened that day, everything we said. I remember the dress you had on and that strawberry perfume you wore and that I liked so much. I remember the look in your eyes when you said "I can't do this anymore" and I remember wanting to tell you what you wanted to hear, to tell you the truth, but I just did not. I still cannot believe it was the end of us, I thought you would come back to me, but you never did, you never did.

I waited for you for so long and part of me is still waiting. I went back for you. Did Maggie ever tell you that I went back to apologize? I wanted to get you back, but I was too late, you were gone. I knew Maggie probably had an address for you or that I could have contacted your parents, but I figured you probably did not want me to find you at least not at the time. I went to graduation, hoping that I would see you there, I went to countless reunion, wishing that you would show up, but you never did. Years past and it was never the right moment and I did go looking for you, but my efforts were always in vain, until now.

It took me five years to gather the courage to tell you this, but I am doing it at last. I am so scared that you will reject me, but I can no longer live without telling you how I truly feel about you. So here it goes I guess.

You see, no girl has ever been able to compare to you. No girl has ever touched me the way you did. I am exactly where you said I would be: alone and miserable, missing you more and more and more every day.

Being here where we first met, where it all happened reminds me of all we had, everything we did. Walking in front of the steps where we kissed for the first time pains me. I wish I could go back to that day and kiss you again, only this time I would not let you go. I wish I could hold you in my arms, I wish I could hear you laugh just one more time.