Gods And Monsters

Chapter Fifty-four:

Her head was pounding. Her body felt weightless, and her neck stung. Her lips and cheeks were drained of colour, her skin paper white and clammy. Her chest rose and fell rapidly with each shallow breath. She had no recollection whatsoever of how she ended up on Buffy's bed.

Hel made the mistake of bolting upright, causing the room to tilt on its axis and spin around her. Her stomach lurched, threatening to empty its contents.

Disorientated, she clutched her head between both hands and screwed her eyes shut. "Fucking hell."

Groaning, she pried her eyes open. With caution, Hel swung her legs over the edge of the bed and slowly stood up. She carefully made her way out of the room and through the hallway, taking her time down the stairs.

She passed by the living room, where everyone else was gathered, without listening in on their discussion. Pausing in the kitchen, she filled a bowl with water and grabbed a cloth. 

Opening the basement door, the wooden planks creaked as Hel descended the narrow flight of steps to the lowest level of the house and did her best not to further provoke her queasy stomach. The cement floor was cold beneath her bare feet. She approached Spike, the bowl of water in one hand and the cloth in the other.

Restrained with wall-mounted chains and laying on his back, his wrists dangled from their iron cuffs. His arms hung slack, his body slumped in defeat. Dried blood stained his mouth and chin. He opened his eyes, lifting his head.

Raising her eyebrows, she gave him a feeble smirk. "Kinky."

A sheepish look came over his face, accompanied by a crooked, barely-perceptible smile on his lips.

A wave of lightheadedness forced her to move slowly as she set the clear bowl down on the cement floor and lowered herself onto her knees. Hel's entire body quivered, her hands trembling as she dipped a corner of the small towel into the warm water. 

"Did I hurt anybody?" He asked uncertainly.

"You took a good bite out of a small mortal boy by the name of Andrew." She began gently dabbing at his bloody chin.

He frowned. "Who?"

"No idea. It is of little consequence."

"Did I hurt you?" Spike murmured.

"I'm fine." She insisted.

"You didn't answer my question." Upon noticing that her fingers shook as she gingerly wiped away the red at the corner of his mouth, his eyes widened. His large hand gently captured her smaller one and held it still. "You're shaking."

"I'm fine." She reiterated firmly.

"Oh god..." He screwed his eyes shut, as if physically pained by the thought. "I did, didn't I?" He whispered sorrowfully. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

It broke her heart to hear such anguish in his voice. "I know it wasn't you." Hel reassured him.

"How badly did I hurt you?"

"There was substantial blood loss, but I seem to be recovering quickly. Don't worry about me." Her free hand cupped his cheek in an attempt at consolation. "I'm far stronger than I look."

His eyes reopened with reluctance. "I don't remember anything."

"I know." Finished cleaning him up, she hauled herself to her feet and crossed the room to deposit the bowl and face cloth in the laundry sink.

"You see, I don't know why."

"Something is playing you. Some ghost or demon has figured out how to control you, to make you do its bidding. You're being triggered."

He dragged himself upright, using the chains for support. "Kill me."

She turned around, placing both hands on her hips. "No." She said firmly, without missing a beat.

"Hel, you have to kill me." He stressed gravely. "Do you have any idea what I'm capable of?"

"I was in the cellar with you. I saw what you did."

"I'm not talking about the cellar. The people in the cellar got off easy. I'm talking about me. Hel, you've never met the real me."

Hel folded her arms across her chest and stood her ground. "I'm not afraid of you."

"You really should be." Spike stood, his piercing blue eyes fixated on her. "Do you know how much blood you can drink from a girl before she'll die? I do. You see, the trick is to drink just enough, to know how to damage them just enough, so that they'll still cry when you..." He choked up mid-sentence, suffocating the anguish and guilt inside him that struggled to burst free. "'Cause it's not worth it if they don't cry."

"It's not you're fault. You're not the one doing this."

"I already did. It's already done." He paced for a brief moment, then stepped purposefully towards her. "This is me, Hel. You've got to kill me before I get out."

"Was that you who killed those people in the cellar?" She challenged, raising her voice. "Was that you who waited for those girls?"

Resolute in his conviction, his stare was unwavering and unblinking. "There's no one else."

"That's not true." She closed most of the distance between them in a few deliberate strides, holding his gaze defiantly. "You, you listen to me: I saw you change. I witnessed your penance first hand."

Without warning, he lunged violently at her. The chains rattled but held strong. His eyes were almost feral in their intensity, and a smear of scarlet remained on his lips. "Window dressing."

"It would be easier, wouldn't it? If it were an act. But it's not." She scrutinised him, her eyes brimming with compassion and understanding. "You faced the monster inside of you and you fought back. You risked everything to be a better man."

"Hel—" Spike began.

Hel cut him off, taking another step forward. Their toes were flush with one another. "And you can be. You are. You may not see it, but I do. I believe in you, William."

The expression he wore was outright amazement, his blue eyes wide with hopeful longing.

Just then, the lights above them flickered. They exchanged glances of confusion. The bulbs went out and the basement was engulfed by darkness.

"Did you turn out the lights?" He asked her. 

"No."

"Then we have a problem," was his grim response.

Apprehension hung heavy in the air. The stone-cold silence was shattered by the thumping of heavy footfall on the stairs.

"What the F—" Hel broke off mid-curse, rudely interrupted by rough hands shoving her aside. Her head collided with the floor and her vision went black upon impact.