a (pending) letter to Matty
hey man, I just realized I never did tell you who the mystery guy was..well I'll tell you now. uh, it was about you. I don't know anything about you, I'll probably never get the honor to. you've probably already stopped reading by now but the reason I'm telling you this is because I'm thinking of ending my life a little sooner than expected. I'm really gonna miss our conversations and looking at the rain fall down my window, as if those small droplets were racing. I'm gonna miss the stars; their shyness twinkled off and on much like your eyes when I'd speak to you in class.
why did I like you so damn much? I don't know. I admired the fact that you weren't what society instructed you to be. I admired the crazy hand gestures and the way you beamed a smile when you talked. I admired how you made me feel important. I would forget everything everyone else told me and it was if time stood still when we'd talk. hours would pass and you wouldn't get tired of me.
yes, I'd say something fruitful did bloom from my writing. thank you for everything, for letting me forget about the world for as long as you could. I have made an analogy; my depression is the flu my mind seemed to have caught. but I couldn't find a powerful enough remedy.
I hope you do finish that book.
and know that it's useless to cry at my grave; I am not there. I am a thousand winds that blow, i am all the stars that burst and glow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain. and when you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in a circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. do not stand by my grave and cry; I am not there. I did not die.
I uh, had a living funeral. I invited all I was closest to. I invited you, but you didn't even respond. that's okay I guess, no one showed up. it was just me, but there were trees. I thanked nature for all its greatness. I hugged them all, those who didn't know why I was doing it thought I was crazy. I didn't care. I want the trees to know I despised them most..for providing me oxygen. well, I'll see you soon..once it's time. (ps: August 29th.)
