Reckless

Seven Years Old

Jana-

I don't want to do that, it burns!

Fire seared through his body, singeing his senses.

It's just a small burn. It'll feel good after the first couple.

Jana struggled, trying to get control of his arms again. He could kick, but for some reason his arms refused to move more than a few inches. It felt like something was constricting him.

Shhh. Your momma will hear.

Gasping, Jana sank his teeth into... something. He couldn't see, but he felt warmth coat his tongue and then the taste of copper flowed over his taste buds.

J-Jana...

Anger boiled along with the heat from the burns, fueled by his futile struggling. He expected to feel more pain as he put all of his effort into the bite and trying to break free, but the pain, surprisingly, began to decrease.

He can't hurt you anymore, Jana...

He was hurting him right then!

Open your eyes, hon...

He tried. Each time it felt like his eyes were opening, all that he saw was darkness.

Keep trying, hon. You can do this. You're strong now. Fight...

His eyes jerked open. Darkness was still prevalent, but dim light allowed him to see a small amount. Slowly, he moved his head a little, feeling the other man's soft hair against his right cheek. Panic radiated through his mind. Fear followed. Then anger.

Don't touch me.

His body shook, a mixture of fury and fear blurring together. The feeling was familiar. Calming. He knew what came next. Aggression. It was simple. It was who he was and how he reacted to stressful situations.

He was getting ready to free his arms and make the first strike when Domino lifted his head and smiled, brushing his nose against Jana's. "You need to shave your beard. You're beginning to look like Tera."

Jana's expression immediately changed to confusion, then curiosity as he looked toward his dog. She was sitting beside him. Her fur did actually look a bit scruffy, like she needed groomed.

...I need groomed?

The thought made him quirk a brow up at the dog, who mirrored his action with the opposite brow.

Lifting his left arm, he found that he suddenly had control of it and could freely move it. Reaching out, he tapped Tera on the head. She ducked it slightly and nudged forward, pressing it into his hand. Even with her head bowed, her large chocolate eyes remained on his ocean blue ones.

Emmet...

Feeling something against his side, Jana's body stiffened and he took in a sharp breath. The panic set in again. The instincts to react. He jerked his head up, eyes narrowing on Domino's as he realized that he was sitting in the man's lap.

Don't touch me!

His thoughts screamed at him to attack, but feeling an abrupt push against his still-outstretched hand drew his attention momentarily back to Tera. He pet the dog, but she refused to let his attention refocus on Domino. Each time he tried to look away she would nudge him again or lick his arm. He hated being licked, but he was so conflicted that he didn't reprimand her for it.

He needed to attack. To get Domino away from him so that he wasn't hurt.

The nightmare flooded back into his head. The smell of the burned cigarettes as they singed his skin over and over again.

"Jana, hon?"

Feeling something tighten around his middle, Jana snapped his head to the side and stared at Domino. He'd only heard the man's words as a muddle, almost as if he were being held underwater.

Underwater...

I made it all stop.

The idea of pushing Domino underwater flooded his mind. He remembered the feeling of his parents' necks beneath his fingers. Nails digging into their skin as they struggled. 

It was hard to drown two people in the same bathtub. I should have removed his body first.

"Jana, please. Come back. You're okay here. No one will hurt you."

Blinking slowly, Jana licked his dry lips and swallowed.

"Once, I was seven years old." He whispered, his eyes seeming to look past Domino as he spoke.

"Mamma told me to find some friends... because I'd be lonely."

Jana shook his head, the action minute and barely visible.

"I worshiped daddy. He was my hero. I didn't want friends."

His eyes began to tear up but he didn't bother trying to blink them away. He wasn't weak for crying. He wasn't anything anymore.

"Soon, I may be free... But I'll never be free of the scars. The nightmares." He said quietly as he felt Tera nuzzle her way between him and Domino.

Domino's smile brought him out of his thoughts, to a point. The images were still bouncing around in his mind as the man began to speak.

"Everyone carries scars, but I know that yours will eventually fade away, Jana. Memories always do. Some take awhile. Some don't. Scars... they may always be there, but they, too, will fade over time." Domino whispered as he gently tightened his hold around Jana.

"I..." Jana trailed off, trying to think up the images of his parents faces.

They were blurry.

"There's no clear faces anymore." He said, having not even realized that his more recent dreams had been faceless.

Domino smiled and Jana couldn't help but return it with his eyes as they widened slightly.

There are no faces.

It scared him. To not remember those who had tortured him for years. His father physically and his mother with ignorance. Yet, for some reason, it also felt relieving.

"It feels like rain." He replied after a few quiet moments. "No matter how deep I dig, I can't see their faces."

Sure, he dug up the pain and he had to keep his instincts at bay, but he couldn't see his demons any longer.

A quiet laugh bubbled up from his chest and he let it slip past his lips. Looking up, he met Domino's eyes as he took Tera into his arms and slowly maneuvered his body so that it rested back against Domino's. When the man's arms wrapped more firmly around him, Jana was able to release a stressed breath and tilt his head back against the man's chest.

It felt odd to be near someone without hurting them. He still wanted too. The voices were there. But so was a new one. He wasn't sure where it had come from, but he did think he remembered it...

Once, I was seven years old. I liked cookies and playing on the tire swing outside. The voice said, making Jana quirk his head slightly. He had liked cookies and that tire swing. I like learning. Chemistry is so cool! The voice said excitedly, making Jana chuckle to himself.

I can handle this, because I'm back. I lost myself so long ago, but I won't leave again. 

When he felt a light lick against his rough chin, Jana looked down to see Tera staring up at him, her tail tapping his leg from atop the blanket she rested on in his lap. With a small smile he leaned forward, wrapping her in a hug as he felt Domino's arms give him a light squeeze around his middle.

I've always wanted a dog...

(Yes, it is a technical split personality, but it's the real Jana.)