How to Make a Warrior Cat OC

OC Review: Whisper that Chills the Bone

so this one was sent in by @treeclan! i have so many of these asdfghjkl as always comments are in bold

Name: Whisper That Chills The Bone (Whisper)

I like the sound of it, it's quite creative; for a Tribe cat, it's quite creative and different. It sound 'evil' almost but I'm glad the cat isn't evil. The only thing is the creepiness of it, I don't think a cat would name another something like that. 

Gender: She-Cat

Okay

Appearance: A very light grey she-cat with a dark grey belly and black tips of the ears and tail. Her eyes are a mixture of shades of brown.

Great! I'm not exactly sure that a darker belly is possible, I mean, it is, it's just slightly rare. I love how the eyes are brown, that adds a lot of anti-sueness. 

Rank: Prey Hunter

Fits her personality and backstory, I like it!

Age: 35 moons (at the time of Whispers Of The Wind)

Good; the majority of OCs are quite young, so I like this! Your book seems cool too c:

Clan: The Tribe Of Looming Trees

Yay! An original clan- well, tribe! The thing about it that I like most is it sounds exactly like a real tribe name. 

Personality: Doesn't chat much to most cats, but talks a bit to some close friends. She tends to creep some cats out with her intimidating stare, her silence and strange words. However, her feelings can get hurt very easily, and she can be a little cold-hearted, rude or mean but she probably doesn't mean it. Emphasis on probably. She also has a huge fear of fires.

I love this! It's really different, and fits well with her backstory and position. The only thing you might want to tweak is to add a bit of depth. It's pretty deep already; you just might want to add a bit about how she is inside, for instance: being a bit worrisome and overreactive. I can totally picture her like that :D

Backstory: Whisper grew up as a loner. As a kit, she used to live in a small patch of territory in a thick woodland. When she was only 6 moons old, there was a huge forest fire. Whisper and her sister Poppy were trapped in a tree as the fire raged around them. Whisper tried her very hardest to support her younger sister with 'supportive' words, but her words only made the situation worse. The branch her sister was on was not strong enough to support her, so her sister fell into the fire. Whisper was horrified- she thought her words had made Poppy feel uncomfortable, scared and made her move so the branch fell. Whisper spotted her parents. They were climbing from tree to tree to reach her. Whisper hopelessly tried to reassure the pair. However, Birdie was on a lower branch and before long she was enveloped in flames as soon as Whisper spoke, forcing the kit to watch her mother burn to death. Jack made an attempt to leap over to Whisper, but he fell to his death. Whisper miraculously managed to escape the forest fire. After traveling for a full day with next to no food, she stumbled into The Tribe Of Looming Trees camp. There she was cared for, but she didn't speak for two sunrises. When she did, her words were eerie giving her her name.

Okay, let me first say: Wow. I really think you did a great job on this! I can clearly see how this affected her as an older cat. Starting out as a loner and then joining the clan is really cliche but the rest make up for it completely. Fires are a good and realistic way to 'dispatch' family and I think you showed that really well. What I'd fix is this: if all of her family died, she should've too, but she made it, right? You should at least give her an injury (i.e. burns, patched pelt, disfigurement, etc.) that shows what she went through. 

Mate, kits, crush: None

Great! Nothing to say here, really.

Family: Deceased

Normally I would jabber on and on about how deceased family is a no but you did it quite well!

In conclusion, Whisper That Chills The Bone is a developed, realistic character that used some cliche concepts but was executed really well. Just fix up the backstory, deepen the personality, and bam! Perfect character!

Final rating: 8.6/10

and there we go another thing kicked off of my long list of stuff i need to work on! yay? happy oc making. there now let me sleep

-drift