OC Review: Cloudpaw

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ahahaaaa i'm not sure who's next but here take it @DKnightSilver ...and i wonder what my comments will be in? hmm... maybe bold?

Name: Cloudpaw

Nice. Fits her appearance, common but nice, to the point and cute! 

Gender: She-cat

Nothing to say

Clan: Not sure yet

Yep, that's fine! Based on her upbringing and looks, I'd go with an original or SkyClan.

Rank: Apprentice 

Okay, good!

Looks: Silver coat with cloud like spots and green eyes

Hmm... Silver is very, very, very overused but still works for her. The cloudy patches are a nice addition and match her name. Green eyes are 100% okay and work well with the rest of her. If you wanted to change anything, I'd say go with a light gray pelt instead of silver. 

Personality: Quiet, sarcastic, silent-temper

Quiet and sarcastic don't exactly go together. I think if you edited it a bit it should be somewhat passive-sarcastic so hints of sarcasm in generally normal speech. Silent-tempered is kinda uncommon and adds a nice touch. I think you should add another flaw, though. I can imagine her as being somewhat abrasive/that kind of person who is shy and says 'Oh you decide" but then they get angry when they don't get their way. 

Backstory: Originally a kittypet but was abandoned in a box at an alley because the runt of the litter. So now she is the quiet one but when others try to get close to her she is scared to let them see the real her. So she tries to act perfect with other she-cats but then with males she is sarcastic and challenging.

Being a kittypet is really cliche but you executed it in a really realistic way. Cats do actually get abandoned for being runts of the litter and I like how you incorporated that. I love how she acts different between genders; in makes sense and adds a nice touch. You should add info about how she met the clan.

Mate: None 

That's expected, she's an apprentice!

Family: A she-cat and a rouge

Who are they? What are their names? Does she ever meet them after joining the clan?

Great! So, at the end, she's a pretty nice base for a character! Just add some flaws, edit appearance details and more family info and you've got it! I'd also recommend adding some more details throughout the whole bio. Keep it up; she could become an amazing character.

Final rating: 6.7/10

wow there are so many of these now tHE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE REAL I  P R O M I S E

-drift

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