Going Back to Get Away After Everything Has Changed

Ch 7: My Mouth Is Dry With Words I Cannot Verbalize

Taylor York's POV

No. No no no no. No no no no no no no. No no. No. No.

That wasn't enough.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOO.

"Taylor?" Jenna said after a long awkward pause.

I finally looked up from my blank gaze at the table beneath me. I shook my head in disbelief, my eyes widened.

"I was right. This is way too much. I'm sorry. Forget I ever said anything. I never told you, okay?" Jenna added.

I didn't say anything. Just stared blankly at her watery eyes. She uncomfortably looked away.

"No, wait. It's just a lot to process." I blurted. I wasn't sure if she caught what I said, or even if I said it loudly or said it at all. I think she did because she turned her head towards me.

"It's an impossible thing I know." she sighed out.

"More like improbable..." I said, trying to come off as hopeful, but it may have been seen as pretentiously rude.

"I know. Let's drop this. Again, I never said anything." Jenna said, picking up her tray of food and rising.

"No, wait. Just wait." I insisted. I was unsure of what I was trying to assure with her. Why would I be telling her to wait? What waiting is there to be in this?

Nevertheless of my feeble attempt, she sat back down.

"Is Josh going to make it?" I asked. It sounded so straightforward. It pierced the uncomfortableness between us both.

"I don't know." Jenna choked out. Her eyes started to become more watery.

"He might not live. He might live, but never wake up. He might wake up and be alright." she added quietly, muffled with held back tears.

I nodded and focused nowhere but her eyes. What else could I say?

"Hear me out, okay? If Josh is gone today, I want to make sure that he leaves this earth with some sort of justice. He made some bad choices, but underneath all the mistakes he is the great guy you and I both know is there. I'm part of the reason his life has been unsatisfied. Unfulfilled. And I think, that this may be the only way to put things right. Maybe he won't depart from this place without getting what he deserves. I know on the surface it does not seem like it, actually far from it, but delve in deeper and you know that I am making some sense into this." Jenna pleaded.

Tears were trickling down her face as if some one did not close the faucet completely. She wiped them all away with her sleeve, looking down embarrasingly.

I sat there; unmoving. So many things were rushing through my head. My hand traced the outlines of my phone in my jeans pocket in an urge to talk to Jess about this. Her sweet voice made my thinking calmer. Knowing she was breathing on the other line was the tranquility I needed to relax my frantic mind. Yet I couldn't call her now.

Jenna rose and picked up her tray.

"I know it's too much to take in for a stranger to confess. I know that's who Josh and I are to you. And that it may possibly all we will be to you. But if his last day may possibly be today, or tomorrow, or in a week, or in a month, or in a year from now, I'm not going to sit idly by and not do something. I don't want regrets; the regrets I filled his life with." her last words were as she turned to throw away her trash.

I sat there motionless; speechless. Less than 24 hours ago, I was coming home from the wrap up of a very big chapter in my life. A chapter I was so proud of writing. If this was the climax of my story, then I have reached my falling action.

But Josh's story could end today. He might not have another chapter after this. He won't have a resolution. Just stuck; on a blank page he was too afraid to write. I wouldn't want to be stuck there.

And then I made up my mind.

I quickly caught up with her as she was about to exit the cafeteria.

"Jenna." I forced out.

She slowly spun around. Her glossy eyes staring dead into mine.

"I'll do whatever I can, as soon as I possibly can, to make sure Hayley's here."