Going Back to Get Away After Everything Has Changed

Ch 2: It Creeps In Like a Spider That Can't Be Killed

Josh Farro's POV

You know how we fear spiders? It's like this common aversion to have against those creepy annoying creatures. We do not really have this sweeping fear of them, it is just that they momentarily frighten us. We rather avoid it, run away, put the responsibilty on someone else to deal with it and hopefully it'll die; it'll disappear.

That's how I feel looking at this stern cold building where Jenna will be. I haven't seen her since the confession. I am keeping my distance away from the building, sitting in my car shaking nervously at what move this spider is going to make. Is it going to bite me? Can I kill it? I want to turn on my car and run away hoping that this spider will leave. Maybe the spider will run away too.

I stepped out of my car for some fresh air, pacing back and forth. Finally I rested my my arms and head on the top edge of the car. I looked at my reflection in my car window. Sometimes you don't notice how old you are getting. That boy I knew at 19 with long hair just loving what he was doing seems like a competely different person. Look at me now. Some gray hair was growing through on my thin beard, my hair was starting to thin, I had worry lines. Where was that kid? Where did he go? Is he still inside of me somewhere?

"Josh?" said a familiar voice. I jumped up to see Jenna on the other side of my car. She looked different than the girl I married as well. Her face wasn't as flawless as before. She had light bags under her eyes. Worry lines. Didn't have that fine figure anymore. But I never noticed this until now.

"Jenna." was all I seemed to manage. Our eyes held there for an awkward moment.

"Locked your car already?" she asked.

"Um no."

"Good." she said as she opened the car door and sat in the passenger seat.

Confused, I opened my side of the car and looked at her. "What are you doing?"

"Let's go somewhere and talk."

"But we have the--"

"No, we don't Josh. I haven't arranged anything yet."

"What?"

She sighed out of frustration. "Just get in the car."

"No. Not until you tell me what's going on."

"Did you hear me? I said to talk."

"About what?"

"US!" she emphasized, glaring at me. "We need to talk about us."

Reluctantly, I got in the car, but didn't turn it on.

Jenna faced me, but I didn't return it.

"I knew you wouldn't agree to see me. That's why I lied about this whole meeting. I just needed to say something that has been extremely hard for me to admit."

"What could possibly--" I stopped. I really didn't what could be more to confess. Jenna ignored me, and continued.

"Look, I fucked up your life. I'm basically the reason why your life has been unfulfilled."

"You're not the reason."

"Stop defending me! I'm tired of it. I am. And I know I'm not innocent."

"Oh, I think I know that very well now." I said sternly.

"You need to just--... Let's go somewhere peaceful to talk. I know it calms you down. What's a good place?"

"My mom's grave." I instantly replied. I'm not sure why I said it, but i can tell Jenna was taken aback by it.

"Were you with him then? Is that why you sought somebody else? Is that why you cheated on me?" I asked. This time I looked right into her eyes.

"Josh..." she paused, still not taking her eyes off of mine. "Her funeral is where we met." she forced out. I can tell it pained her to say it, but honestly I'm glad she felt less than an ounce of what I've been feeling this whole time.

And just like fear sweeps over you when that spider charges toward you, I felt the equivalent of rage. That spider bit me. And I sat there letting it happen. So naturally, it was my instinct to retaliate.

"Get the hell out of my car!"

"Josh..."

"Arrange what you will for the divorce. The sooner the better. You can take everything. I just want this over and done with." I bellowed.

Jenna stared surprisingly at me. She semi nodded, and slowly exited my car. I turned the car on and drove off in a hurry as I began to unravel at what has become of my life.