Going Back to Get Away After Everything Has Changed

Ch. 11: How Did We Get Here?

TAYLOR YORK'S POV

Crap, it's coming in a few minutes. Lunch is made --thanks to Jess helping me out; I've been so nervous I almost spilled some vegatable oil over the stove. I'm sure I would have chopped off one of my fingers if I had to tend to the salad.

The kids were in the living room. I made Jess and them eat earlier, because this lunch was specifically made for Hayley and I alone. I had everything set outside. It was a clear day; not windy at all, nor any dry heat that would make us yearn to go back inside, welcoming the air conditioning.

Everything was set. Except for me. I had no idea what to say. I had no idea when to say it. Should I make dessert and say it then?

"Hun, do we have ice cream?" I called out to my wife, who was in the laundry room.

She came out and made her way to me. "I didn't catch that."

I anxiously went to the freezer. "Do we have any ice cream? I don't have time to make dessert, she's gonna be here any second."

We didn't have any.

"Tay, relax." Jess said, coming over to hug me. I must have facially expressed my reaction to not having any, because Jess was hugging me tight and lightly rubbing her thumb against my back.

"I can't." I faintly replied.

Jess cupped my face with her hands, and positioned my head to look down into her eyes.

"It's okay. I know Jeremy said he thinks Hayley will not take it well, but none of us know that for sure. You and Jeremy were both concerned for Josh's well being, despite of what happened in the past. Yes, it feels out of place, but it's over and done with." Jess said to me, never looking away from my eyes.

I allowed myself to form a grin, and kissed her softly.

"You're right. It's just, think about the worst case scenario. She can say no, and express no care for Josh's condition. Best case scenario, she cares and agrees to." I exhaled heavily.

I hugged her tight, resting my chin on her head. I was looking out the kitchen window that overlooked the front lawn.

Worst case scenario. The worst case wouldn't even affect me. It would have zero impact on me. The worst case would not even be bad, to me. How and why would I feel guilty about what is out of my control? The only reason Hayley is coming over is because I was just supporting my friend. I was not supporting Josh, just Zac. Josh had no significant meaning to my life right now. My life would not drastically change. My life would move forward, like the countless of others who have died within the timeframe of me thinking this. My life would be just fine without Josh. So would Hayley's.

But would Josh's? Jenna's? Zac's? It doesn't affect me, but the people around me. This chain extends and ripples back to me. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it does affect me. Even if the sound wave is miles away, I can still hear it. I can still percieve it, however minimal.

So yes, I personally don't have to suffer. But I have to watch the person I love suffer, feeling helpless as I am uncapable of feeling any empathy with him. I would be distant, when I need to be close.

I saw a famaliar vehicle make it's way in my driveway. My heart started to pound before I was consciously aware that it was Hayley who is here.

"She's here." I murmured.

"Hmm?" Jess responded. She turned her head to look out the window. Hayley was getting out of her car, wearing very casual yet somewhat still stylish clothes. Her hair was up and she had little make up on. She lifted her sunglasses onto her head and squinted from the sudden harsh rays. By squinting, she noticed our figures looking outside the window. She lightly smiled, and waved once. I returned a welcoming grin, though she most likely couldn't see that. I looked down at Jess who was smiling and returned her wave.