Fail
Failure
Constant struggle
Seemingly to struggle
Significantly more than others
For the results I never get
I often and easily brush myself off
Without so much as a second thought
Until a moment or two passes
And I feel sick and cold
Internal vibrations low
Unworthy of
But more than willing to
Never quite finish
Never quite succeed
Just watching the candle light diminish
Year after year
Day after day
I'm exhausted
Of trying and trying again
To do things I obviously can't
All the effort
But nothing to show for it
I almost don't have
The energy to keep getting back up
Exhausted before I was even of age
I just can't imagine waking up another day
Some might say I'm optimistic
Bubbly and adventurously so
Daring and spontaneous
Athletic and aloof
Some others might say I'm
Dark and cunning
Sharp of tongue
Morbid and masochist
Some might even say sadist
With a piercing glare that they feel
Stares directly into their soul
Eerily observant
With a piss off attitude
And then even others might say
I'm an old soul
Tender of the earth and living things
Listening well and providing a hand
Gentle in nature
And generous to a fault
Loving deeply
Even if not easily
But in the end
It boils down
I've been through hell
And many things in this life
And lives before
Nothing really surprises me
I've kind of seen it all
I'm constantly in a daze
Glazed over and far away
I just am
What I need to be
To get by
For this time
I'm exhausted
Not only of my own shortcomings
But also of
The people in my life
So many people
Come and go
I usually don't even know
One for a year
Before they vanish from my sight
Seemingly shallow
Or surface acquaintances
Constantly fading in and out
I'm tired of starting over
Though it is interesting
And I have a lot of
New and unusual experiences
Many people have
Just used me
Or I've just gone along for the ride
Doing whatever it is
They want to do
Having very little goal in mind
And usually not doing anything significant
It would be nice
If someone would stay
Someone I would be close to
Consistently
Even my family
Seems kind of like strangers
I hardly even know
The people I lived under
And if I've met someone
Within my family
I've probably only met them once
Briefly at that
I'm exhausted
Of myself
Of others
Of the way of this reality
Modern society
So many rules and regulations
Expectations
I can never meet
Hoops you must jump through
In order to get here or there
Just to be a basic functioning member
If you don't meet these requirements
Prerequisites if you will
Then you are seen
In certain lights
Most of which
Would be snuffed out
Never up to par am I
I am on so many levels
Exhausted
This world saddens me
People destroying it left and right
From destroying the rainforests
Poaching to extinction
Pouring excessive amounts of concrete
Polluting the air and the ocean
Government systems
Beating down on the people
Fake food destroying health
Doctors covering up cures
Instead of fixing them
Because a doctor
Wouldn't have a paycheck
If he healed them
Greed
Money
Power hungry
Genetically engineered foods
Causing health problems
And environmental problems
Scientists and the government
Releasing
Genetically engineered insects and things
Purposely to release disease
In the world
Loosing tradition and art
Culture and things
So many ignorant and blatantly stupid people
And even people willingly so
I'm exhausted
I used to wonder if I was born
Out of era
And maybe so
I take deep personal interest in
Ancient Mayan and Aztec culture
Native American ways of life
Before the white man slaughtered them
Ancient Celtic and Druids
And shamans alike
Rainforest tribes
And things alike
They lived with the land
Instead of on it
Sometimes I wonder
If I could be taken away
To another time or galaxy
Dimension or space
I feel like there's a species and world
Out there
Better suited for me
I'm exhausted
I keep pushing forward
As I have little other choice
But I am weary
And I wonder how long
Until the day
I just can't move anymore
The day I run out
Of the fuel
That keeps me running on empty
