Work 12 hours 6 days a week and another 5 on the other... Hurry up and wait for something that may not. And if so this place is no better than any. My eldest friend is divorcing her husband and I have a dozen people lined up who supposedly want me except the one I want to want me... I understand love and compatibility may not always go together... But it's not an option for me. I love him. This life and in the next and many before I'm sure. It can't be helped. Childhood friends and then suddenly my world shattered before I knew my own thoughts... And then several years of no contact I thought maybe it's good and then maybe I prefer it that he's not apart of my life and then I knew he could never knock me down that far ever again and suddenly one day there went that last string and I met someone who taught me not just how to love but more importantly how to receive it, accept it. And then a person who I had the most incredible relationship with and then this childhood friend drops back into my life suddenly and skipping the line of story... He's heavy on my heart and I love him... But he would like me to believe it's one sided... And it breaks my heart but maybe it's all for the best.. I'll skip all the details tonight... I want to give him the benefit of the doubt... I want to believe there's more to why he contacted me after so long... I want to believe... I want him to take the to many chances he likely doesn't deserve.... And I'm deeply afraid that he won't and deeply afraid that I've already accepted it as much as I can... And I fear it may not be as much as it needs to be...
