Just Friends (Phil Lester x Reader)

Part 3 - Reality Check

A/N:

This is just a filler chapter, hopefully, they will get better.

Warnings: Depression and existential crisis'. Also, I have never experienced depression or an existential crisis, so I'm sorry if this is offensive or sucks

~ Cloud <3

Your alarm clock went off blaring loudly in your room, even though the volume was set on low. You rolled over as your arm frantically started slapping it, you ended up shoving the clock in the drawer on your nightstand. The butterflies from last night disappeared as reality gave you an almighty punch in the jaw and you realised that you were just another lonely, boyfriendless, friendless, girl with a sucky job. That thought brought you a great sadness, making you forget the better part of the night before.

You pulled yourself out of your bed and rolled onto the floor. Hitting your head on the nightstand, you groaned loudly before pulling yourself into your shower and trying to wash off most of the sadness that had coated your body.

You lazily put on your Starbucks uniform and walked to work as you usually did, the day seemed greyer than it probably was, as you dragged yourself along the pavement. As it was every day you unlocked Starbucks and let the few crazy people in, that somehow are able to wake up early enough to be there before you were.

Soon enough the rest of your co-workers arrived and a few other customers came in. It was a slow day, there was the usual morning rush but other than that it was bland. After a while, you stopped counting the amount of people that were just foul to you. You didn't blame them, though, it was Monday morning and they probably had sucky jobs too. As soon as your shift ended you went straight home, you had nothing else to do.

You had nothing else to do.

The thought lingered in your head for a while. You had nothing to do, you didn't have a boyfriend or any friends for that matter. The rest of your family was on the other side of the earth sleeping at that very moment. You sighed. Well, why not? I'll sleep too. You went to the fridge and made yourself a lousy lunch of two-minute noodles, they were slimy and bland but you ate them anyway. You knew how to cook perfectly well but it was simply laziness stopping you from a decent meal.

You crawled into bed with your laptop. You played music to drown out the sad sound of your loneliness, you scrolled through Tumblr but nothing it came up with could make you laugh. You decided that maybe Youtube could cheer you up, at first, it reminded you of the fun you'd had with Dan, Phil and Pj but then you just burst into tears remembering the hurtful things your ex-boyfriend had said to you that night.

You looked over your other social medias but all you saw was him, your now ex-boyfriend with other girls, you quickly shut your laptop and screamed into your pillow, you cried yourself to sleep that night.

But that was how it was now, every day was the same. Wake-up, slap alarm until it stops, put Starbucks uniform on, go to work, get yelled at for attitude, come home, crawl into bed, scroll through Tumblr, watch youtube, scroll through other social medias, cry, sleep, repeat. It was worse on weekends because you didn't even go outside, your blinds stayed shut and you stayed in bed. You didn't shower on the weekends and by Monday you stunk, you only got out of bed to go to the toilet, you hardly ate anything somehow you survived on instant coffee and two-minute noodles.

Your life was sad, you were depressed and you knew it. Your boyfriend had obviously moved on easily and was happy.

Well for every happy person there were three unhappy people because of it and even more unhappy people for every joyous relationship.

This was your excuse, your excuse for being depressed, for spending 90% of your time in bed and the other 10% at work. And it was this motto sent you into a spiralling existential crisis, why live this life if you only make other people unhappy? Who chooses who gets to happy and who has to be sad? Why can't everybody be happy? I never want to be happy, I don't deserve it and I don't want to make other people sad.

That's what you told yourself. That's what you asked yourself for the next three weeks. You'd fallen into such a deep, depressing routine that you felt like nothing would change and that just made you even sadder. You had to change something otherwise you knew soon enough you would destroy yourself from the inside. You couldn't quit your job otherwise, you'd lose your apartment, you couldn't go out because you had no reason to. Then you looked around your apartment it was an absolute mess.