hospital beds// joshler fanfiction

chapter four pov josh

i look up at tyler. we were both upset i knew he was. i didnt want this to happen i just wanted to be well...gone.
tanner: do i need to swich roommates?
tyler: no,,,not at all!
tyler said quickly with a smile. tanner nodded leaving the room quickly. tyler sat on the bed next to me.
tyler: w-what happen?? did i i cause this.
he said as he took my bandage wrists into his hands. i felt a tear drop fall onto my arm. then i finally looked up. he started crying more. i tried to move away without him notice.
tyler: w-what did i d-do?...
i tried not making eye contact with him. i knew he hated me, well thats what my voices in my head told me anyways. i had to listen to them...
tyler: i should have done more.
josh: done more what?..
he looked up surprised i answered. thought for a moment then said:
tyler: i- i found some pills at yohr house in the middle of the night. thats why i passed out. i picked at my cuts to make it look like i passed out from that.
i-i had a panic attack a-at your house i-i i just i ca-
tyler broke down crying. i wanted to hug him but my voices named bf wouldnt let me.
bf: tyler doesnt love you joshua, he never has and never will, he probably loves somebody else. just kill yourself.
tyler: im sorry..
bf: he's not dumbass.
josh: i know...
bf: no, shut up with your shit right now. tell him how awful he is not talking to you!
josh: y-you ign-
bf: fucking do it faggot.
josh: YOU JUST FUCKING IGNORED ME HOW FUCKING COULD YOU I WAS IN SO MUCH FUCKING PAIN DO YOU NOT FUCKING CARE ABOUT ME?? YET YOU WANT COMFORT FROM ME?? FUCK THAT.
after i ranted i immediately regretted it. tyler started breaking down. he was laying on his bed picking at his cuts. i have to go comfort him, im awful...
bf: shut the fuck up you did eveeything you needed to.
i listened to bf. he has alwasys been there i had too... as i looked at tyler tanner walked in. he saw tyler crying and walked over to him.
tanner: tyler is everything uh alright?
tyler: I NEED TO KILL MYSELF.
tanner immediately got nurses in. they grabbed him restraining him and taking him away.
josh: NO DONT TAKE HIM PLE-
bf: KILL HIM!
i screamed aloud so loud that tanner stopped and looked at me.
tanner: you better shut your ugly ass mouth before i make you.
i sat still as a tear went down my cheek and tanner slapped my face. i started panicking and he slammed the door. why does this shit happen to me?? what did i ever fucking do to this awful world?? maybe i just want tyler...