Brooklyn, Baby | Spot Conlon ²

Chp. 19: That Someone

A train ride to Florida later, Kendall found herself at the plantation, alone. All the servants and horsemen were in North Carolina. There were monthly visits to keep the plantation in pristine condition, which just occurred. 

Kendall put her bag in her room from before, and sat back on the bed. 

"If you are here with me, please tell me," 

Silence. 

"Foolish I was to think you would be here," She continued. "Especially when you love to follow me to whatever destination, you must be in North Carolina." 

"I do hope yo u do not drop in when someone else is occupying my room," She keeps on speaking to herself. "Though, you are very secretive and stealthy...explains why you were able to play dead for four years."

"I do nothing with bad intentions," She hears. 

She sits up. "Do not feed me lies. I think you were scared," 

"Scared?" 

"Yes, scared. We had just conversed about our issues, and I rejected you still. You went back to New York, and thought that living in hiding with the excuse of death would be better than the humiliation," 

"Humiliation? That ain't quite the story, but nice try," 

"Then, I beg of you," She says sarcastically. "What was the story?" 

"All in good time," 

She rolled her eyes. "How long have you been here?" 

"Since you left," He replies. "Thought this place wasn't too shabby," 

"And you knew I would come back," 

"Not really. I thought that you needed your space, with the wedding and everythin'." He looks out the window. "If by any chance of fate, you would come back, and ya did." 

"I certainly did not return for you, be sure of that." 

"Then why are you back?" He smirked. 

"I needed an outlet, a place to be by myself to just be one with my thoughts," 

"And you came here, where ya knew I would be?" 

"I didn't know you would be here," 

He scoffs. "Where did you think I was, then?" 

"I don't know," She defensively says. 

After a silence, she speaks. 

"What is your plan, hm? When I get married, move to wherever? You won't bother me then. Will you return to Brooklyn? How could you? What will you say? Resume your position? Surely, you cannot. You're far too old to be a newsie," 

"I can be a newsie if I want," 

"We are twenty years old. It is time to grow up. No one will buy newspapers from a grown man," 

"I hasn't thought it out, alright? I didn't even plan on knockin' on your door either," 

"But you 'needed a place to stay', right?" 

"I did," 

"And it had to be with me, correct?" 

"If I hadn't," He said. "Ya wouldn't of known I was still alive," 

"And things would be simpler," 

"What, you woulda preferred not knowing? What would you have done--" 

"I would've moved on," She snaps. "I would live with Eric, whom I love, and not have to dwell on you knowing you wouldn't come back," 

"I gotta say that stings," 

"Stings?" She furrows her eyebrows, storming up to him. "It stings?! You know what stings?! Leaving the goddamn love of your life because you feel like playing dead! That feeling stings." 

"Kenny, you know I's s--" 

"Sorry, right? No, I actually don't. All you've done since you've been back is be an arrogant asshole, popping in whenever the hell you feel like it!" She says, then takes a step back. "Now, I came to be alone, and that's what I intend to be," 

She leaves the room and walks down the stairs. She makes her way to the back porch, sitting on the steps. Her 'garden' was nonexistent at this point, being that it never received proper care. 

She took out her journal from her dress pocket, and opened it. 

Is it possible for a heart to be fickle after it has made its definite decision? Can it consider other things, even when it has come to a complete conclusion? 

My heart is indecisive, yet it longs to reach an end. It yearns to feel content with its life, and somehow, it isn't. My Eric has lost the ability to spark my soul with very words. Was he just my shoulder to cry on when needed? Surely not. As one who does not love easily, it cannot just be that. 

Am I searching for a replacement? First love is completely, with no exceptions, irreplaceable. A man might move you to feel fuzziness inside your stomach, but he could never match your very official firsts. Never your first kiss, the first feeling of someone and yourself communicating on a bodily level. Never your first 'I love you', maybe not ever spoken, but mutually experienced. 

I try to convince myself that Eric is my only and best option. Is he not? He is from the same class, is a rising businessman, and is kindhearted? He never makes me feel that I need to prove myself, that I belong to him, that I need him.

But, don't we want to need someone? Do we not long for a challenge, someone who will never let us be off guard? Someone who makes you feel like the day you lose them, you lose half of yourself? Do we not want someone to be the light that guides us in the day and the dark? 

That person will look at you. A simple, yet so complex thing. Their eyes will say only what they truly feel. They need not to say much, but three words, and eight letters. 

So, when you find that, are you not entitled to hold onto it? Is it not your destiny to keep that, whatever it has in store for you? Obstacles may break you partially, but as a whole, you will never crack. Wounds you feel will be wounds for each other, not from each other. 

You should feel happiness, even in the midst of sadness. 

When you find this, I have decided, you must find a way to keep hold of it. 

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wow super sappy chappie but i feel like that says a lot of what Kenny is feeling 

sooooo what comes next;)))