A Place in the Sun - cash au-

Hello, My Name is Regret

Nash POV

The conflict I feel inside of me is stressful. I want to forgive him, I want to move on and work on things with him.

Despite the betrayal I still love him. It hurts to see him so broken. I close my eyes as I think about our future and what would make me truly happy.

If I forgive him, would I actually be able to truly forgive him and move on or would I resent him? Would I think about him and Aaron any time he was affectionate with me?

He's the one that did this to us, he's the one that broke both of us.

I can't see myself not resenting him for cheating on me, for hurting me in the worst way possible. He made me feel inadequate, like I wasn't enough for him.

No matter what he says if I had been enough he never would have cheated. Drinking is not an excuse.

"I can't," I tell Cameron after being silent for a few minutes. "I can't forgive you. I can't erase that memory of you fucking Aaron from my mind, I can't erase hearing him moan your name. It will always be there, reminding me of what you did, how you broke me. If you truly loved me like you said then there's no way in hell you would have ever ended up in the shower fucking him."

"So, no Cameron. I can't forgive, I can't get back with you. I don't even want to be friends, I want you out of my life. Just remember that you did this to us," I start getting choked up and I can't stop the tears from falling. "To think I dreamt of raising children with you, I wanted to marry you. Now that's all gone, you ruined it. You have no one to blame but yourself. Please just leave me alone, I need to heal, I need to pick up the broken pieces of my heart. I need to move on and you're stopping that from happening by coming by everyday. If there's any love left in your heart for me, you'll leave me alone."

Cameron stares at me with pain in his eyes as he realizes that I'm serious and nothing he does or says can change my mind. The tears start to fall down his cheeks too, I don't feel any triumph from making him cry, all I feel is pain. My heart clenches at the fact that this is probably the last time I will ever see him. I almost want to change my mind but I know I can't.

"Goodbye Cameron. A part of me will always love you." I say and then I close the door. I can hear sobbing from the other side of the door and my heart clenches again, but I remain strong in my decision. I know it's what is best for me in the long run. It might hurt now but it's necessary to heal.

I go back to the desktop and check my email, my heart starts pounding as I received an email back from the internship I just applied for. That was really fast, but they probably have a recruiter who is constantly looking through applications and contacting applicants that qualify.

I quickly read through the email and smile widely as I learn that they want to set up an interview as soon as I'm available. I reply that I'm available at anytime. The message from them doesn't take long to arrive, they scheduled me for an interview tomorrow. I'm nervous already, I need this job so badly.

I pass by the door and the sobbing as stopped so I figure that Cameron left. I look through the peephole anyway to find Cameron sitting down and leaning against the wall across from the door with his face in his hands. I'm tempted, I'm so tempted to go out there and comfort him but I don't.

I need to prepare for my interview tomorrow, I can't show up looking like a hobo. I shave my face and look critically at my appearance, my hair desperately needs a cut but I don't have money for it. I'm definitely not asking Matt for money for a haircut, he already does so much for me.