A Place in the Sun - cash au-

Thought I Was Lost

Cameron POV

"Hello, Mr.Dallas it's nice to meet you," he replies using a formal voice and I can't help but let out a frustrated sigh. I should be grateful that at least he didn't tell me to fuck off.

"Nash... please." I pleads with him, I'm hoping to reach the person I fell in love with. I hate that his guard is up, I hate that I did that to him.

"Please what, sir?" He asks me and I struggle with what to say as I watch his eyes dart across the room, he's looking for a way out of this conversation.

I decide to be completely honest with him and not bullshit him at all.

"Please... just speak to me. Like truly speak to me. I've been longing and praying for this moment for so long. I've been desperate to know how you're doing, if you're okay." I tell him softly, my eyes sting slightly and I battle to maintain my composure.

"I am fine," I answers cooly. I blink rapidly and then rubs my eyes with my fists, I wasn't prepared to see him or speak to him any time soon and I'm quickly losing what little control I have, I look down and take in a few shaky breaths.

I know this isn't the right place to have this conversation, it needs to be more intimate, more personal. Not after a meeting about investments.

"Can we... go out for coffee?" I ask quietly and raise my eyes to meet his again. Nash thinks about my request and I feel relief that we are at the point that he can seriously contemplate spending time with me. Hope grins to grow that maybe our relationship is salvageable even after a year and a half of separation.

"I don't know, Cameron. What are we going to accomplish by going out for coffee?" He finally answers after a few moments of tense silence and my eyes search his.

I need to reach him, I need to get through to him somehow. I can't let tonight be the last time I see him for who knows how long.

"I just miss my best friend," I say softly and I know I'm completely vulnerable but I don't care. Nash's stance softens and I know he's leaning towards agreeing to meet me for coffee.

"I hate myself." I state impulsively, I can't look him in the eyes and my gaze drifts down, I can't stop my voice from cracking with emotion. "I hate myself for what I did to you. I've been miserable this entire time without you, it's what I deserve. There's nothing I regret more in life than that night. I'm so lost without you, you're the only person I'll ever love. I have to live the rest of my life without the love of my life and it's entirely my fault. I did this to myself."

"Fine," he replies and my eyes meet his with shock. I feel exhilaration. Nash is giving me a chance. Even if it's just a chance to be friends, it doesn't matter. I just need him in my life, in whatever capacity he feels comfortable with.

"Tomorrow at 9am?" I ask hi. and he nods in agreement. I don't have to say which cafe, we only ever went to one. It was our spot, the same one I bought him that chocolate croissant when I first brought him to New York to visit me.

"Thank you so much, Nash for agreeing to meet with me," I says with happiness apparent in my voice. Nash nods again but before he can talk Jack J. comes back to us.

"Sorry to interrupt but I need to meet with Cameron and Jack. You're free to go home whenever you'd like, Nash." He talks to Nash, I do feel disappointed that our time is cut short but not too much because I know I'll see him tomorrow.

Alone.

"Okay, thanks Jack. I'll see you Monday." Nash shake hands with him and then with me before he turns and heads out.