A Place in the Sun - cash au-

Shattered, Like You've Never Been Before

Nash POV

It's been almost 6 months since Cameron cheated and I left him, I haven't seen him since I begged him to leave me alone, to let me move on and it's been good for me. There are still moments when the ache in my heart gets really bad and I wonder if I should give him another chance, I just miss him so much sometimes. But the distance helps, I can talk myself out of contacting him and it's getting easier every day to push him out of my mind and concentrate on my job and my studies.

Things with Matt are complicated, he has feelings for me and I don't have them for him, I've been sleeping on the couch for the last 2 months. Despite my repeated requests for him not to cuddle up with me after I've fallen asleep, he still did it and it got to be too much for me. I can't deal with being cheated on and breaking up with the love of my life plus having my best friend try to put moves on me. He knows how hard it's been for me but it doesn't stop him from adding stress in my life. It's so selfish and I'm sick of it, I haven't told him but I'm moving out this weekend.

I sit at the kitchen table waiting for Matt to get home from his class, I found a cheap apartment in Washington Heights that fits my budget. It's in a dangerous area but it's all I can afford, it'd be so much better if I had a roommate to split expenses with but I don't want to live with a random person. I wish things had worked out with Matt, it would have been so much better.

The door opens and Matt steps inside, I give him a small smile but he slows as he enters the kitchen,he knows something is different.

"What's up?" He asks as he takes his coat off and puts his things down.

"There's really no easy way to say this Matt but I think it's better for our friendship if I move out," I tell him quietly.

He freezes and his eyes widen, I guess he wasn't expecting that I would ever actually move out. I can't stand feeling uncomfortable in a place I'm supposed to call home. I have to leave for my own sanity.

"Nash... no. You don't have to move out, I promise I won't... uhm try to push our relationship towards romantic anymore," he pleads quietly and I shake my head because I've heard him say that plenty of times.

"I actually have a place already, it's in Washington Heights. I'm moving this weekend, I'm doing it for our friendship Matt. I'll forever be grateful for what you've done for me but... I just need my own space," I tell him softly, I struggle with what to say because I don't want to hurt his feelings and despite how uncomfortable he's made me, he's still my closest friend in this city.

He clenches his jaw and stays silent, after a few minutes of awkward silence, he leaves the kitchen and I hear the bedroom door slam a few moments later.

I let out a big sigh and blink back tears because I know our friendship will never be the same again. Things would have been perfect if we had just stayed best friends, or maybe if I had been able to develop feelings for him. I feel confused about the whole thing but one thing is clear, I have to leave.

Things are awkward as I pack my belongings, I've been able to save money to buy secondhand furniture for my small studio apartment. I'm planning to buy a twin bed, a desk, dishes and hopefully have enough a cheap laptop. I need one to do my homework in my apartment and not have to spend hours at the library.

He doesn't talk to me at all as I move my stuff out and when I try to say goodbye he ignores me.

It hurts.

It hurts to lose a close friend like Matt, but I can't put up with him constantly pressuring me into something that I've made very clear I do not want and I'm in no way ready for.