The Quiet Ones

16. The Fear To Love

"Okay, you can do this. Just breath," Avery said as she sat on my bed in the exact same spot she had been just days before when we came up with this horrible plan. She's been trying to motivate me all day to tell Nathan that it's not going to work, but all I can think about is how I'm going to break his heart.

I held my phone in the palm of my hand and stared at the keypad. Calling is one of the worse ways to breakup with someone, but I'm left with very little options right now. I'm technically cheating on him as it is, so I want to get this over with as fast as possible before I see Levi again and he tries to pull something.

"What if he doesn't want to be friends with me?" I asked, looking over at Avery who was secretly smiling at herself. Her expression changed instantly when she met my eye.

"Oh. He won't. That's not like Nathan. Just tell him and get it over with."

I looked back down at the phone and lightly pressed his contact before it began to ring. I placed the phone to my ear and listened to the eerie ring of the connection. My pulse raced while hands shook as I tried to look around the room and calm myself.

"Hey babe," Nathan said as he picked up the phone. I cringed as he began to speak. Just hearing him call me 'babe' makes the whole situation worse.

"Hey, can we talk?"

"Of course. What do you want to tell me?"

"Uh," I said stuttering as I looked over at Avery who motioned to me to continue talking, " I just wanted to talk about our relationship."

"Oh, sure. It's going great!"

I let out a breath and groaned quietly to Avery. She looked like she was getting annoyed at my procrastination, but Nathan's not making this any easier.

"Yeah, well uh. It's just that... I don't think we can be together anymore... In terms of dating."

He went silent on the other line as I bit my lip and closed my eyes tight. It's hard enough telling a guy you've been dating this, but when it's a guy that you've been best friends with for years and he finally admits he has feelings for you, but you have to tell him that you've decided that there's better people, well that's a different story.

"But we can still be friends! I don't want that to change! It's just... I don't think the whole relationship thing's going to work out."

"No, no. I get it. It's fine. Thanks for being honest Parker," he said quietly while his voice cracked on certain words. I winced every time he struggled to pronounce a syllable.

"Thank you so much. Want to hangout tomorrow?" I asked.

"I don't know if I can. I might be a bit busy. But Ill talk to you later."

"Oh, okay. Well I'm sorry. It's not you at all, it's a whole different thing. You understand that, right?"

"Yeah, totally. Bye Parker."

"Bye Nathan."

I clicked the red 'end' button and placed my phone in my back pocket. I stood with my back to Avery because I didn't want her to see me on the verge of tears. Yeah, I'm so happy to be with Levi, but hurting one of my best friends is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

"So, how'd it go?" Avery asked while standing up and walking towards me.

"It went... Okay. He's definitely hurt though. I think he's crying right now."

"Oh... Wow."

"Yup."

We stood in silence as I tried to hold my hands and steady them, but nothing seemed to be working. My breathing was labored and my eyes were filling with tears every passing second, and Avery was clearly able to tell.

"Hey, why don't you lay down and relax and I'll go talk to him? He's not mad, he'll understand."

"I hope so."

"Just go lay down and I'll drive to his house and try to cheer him up."

"Okay, thanks Avery," I said quietly as I gave her a hug with my shaking body.

"No problem. I'll text you later."

I nodded as she left and closed the door behind herself. I walked over to my window and watched outside as people walked by and had conversations in the street. Sometimes I enjoyed watching other people live, it reminds me that I'm alive. Because right now, I'm feeling a mixture of nausea, guilt, and as if I'm on the verge of crying, So dying doesn't seem too far off for me.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I choked back a cry as I pulled it out and looked at the screen. But it wasn't Nathan telling me what he really wanted to say, instead, it was a text from Levi.

I groaned as I stared at the screen and began reading the text. It's not that I'm not all giddy inside from receiving a text from a boy I love, but that I feel the worst about the situation when I'm talking to Levi.

Levi: Hey, I had a great time last night. You looked beautiful by the way. I hope ur hugging my flannel right now and thinking of me ;) I'll see you tonight. I have a very important question to ask you...