The Quiet Ones

23. Hugging's The Easy Part

After only a mere eleven days, my grounding was finally over and a was free. Truthfully, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I mean, it's not like I had anywhere to go anyway. I was kicked out of the taggers and actually had to study for tests. So in a way it was a nice excuse to appear as a rebel when I was actually studying the whole time rather than planning how I would sneak out past midnight and meet with some kids in a park, which I don't understand why is so popular in my neighborhood.

I walked over to Nathan's house in the morning and brought him a black coffee, his favorite. I never understood how he could swallow down the bitter and bland taste of it, but somehow he managed. Pure black coffee was just one of the things on the list of strange food preferences Nathan had. Ketchup on pancakes comes in a disgusting second.

I knocked on his door while I gripped tightly onto the holder of his coffee. I'm not trying to bribe him into being my friend again, the special beverage offer is more of a peace offering.

After only about four knocks Nathan opened his creaking door and stood in front of me in a teeshirt and a pair of boxers. Most girls would blush or laugh at this, but we're so close that it's basically an everyday sight for me.

"Hey, come in," he said with a smile as he held the door open for me to skip through it.

"I brought you your favorite," I said quietly as I handed him his coffee.

"Thanks, you're the best."

"No problem. So, how are you doing?" I asked as I held my hands together and looked around his house and at the wooden fixtures on his walls. He placed a hand on my back and guided me to the couch in his living room, the same one that we sat on to talk about his previous girlfriend who broke his heart. That time, however, I brought him a burger to cheer him up.

"I'm great. I've missed you," he said as he took a seat and gestured for me to move next to him, which I did with a quick slide on the leather. He took a sip of his coffee as I tried to figure out his plan - and if he's going to pretend like we never dated.

"I missed you too. So, you're dating Avery. That's new."

"Yeah, well. She's great though, she really is."

"Of course she is. She's our best friend," I said as my voice began to rise. Nathan squinted at me in concern as he took another sip, which only made me realize how aggravated I was beginning to get. There's no reason for me to be, but there's something in my heart that's telling me to be.

"Well, I'm really happy now," he said as he nodded and tapped his foot to keep the conversation going. "How are you with Levi?"

"Oh, you remembered his name."

"Yeah, he's important to you. So, I thought I should give him a chance if he's that special to you."

I looked away and avoided looking into Nathan's eyes. We've never been this way - where we can't look at each other without feeling like we're drifting apart. My eyes are beginning to fill with tears for some reason, which only makes me more aggravated.

"Thank you," I whispered while studying the wooden floor below us.

"So, did you come just to catch up?" He asked as he put his coffee down on the table and created an instant ring of liquid on the wooden surface. "Or is there something else you want to tell me about?"

"Actually," I said while I chocked on my own words in an attempt to ask him the question I've been avoiding all day. "Do you want to double date this Friday? You know, me, you, Levi, and Avery?"

"Oh, uh, sure." He smiled but quickly looked away to push his lips together and wince. He thinks I don't know how he's feeling after being friends with him this long, but I can obviously read his emotions.

"Okay, well, I'll text you," I said as I quickly stood up before the tears in my eyes could have the opportunity to escape. "Thanks for talking to me and all."

"Parker, of course," he said as he smiled and stood up next to me, sighing as he straightened his posture to face me. "Come here," he said while extending his empty arms.

I didn't want to hug him - not for any reason besides wanting to leave. But when I saw his welcoming face and comfortable chest that I once rested my head against, I couldn't resist. I instantly fell into his arms and hugged him tightly as he gently placed his hands on my back and propped his chin on my shoulder. We stayed like this for a few long minutes, yet it felt like only seconds.

When we let go I felt cold and empty. It's not that I still see Nathan as a boyfriend - or at least not with everything that's going on right now - but being in his arms once again made me realize how much I needed his hug. How much we both needed that hug.

I gave him a final goodbye before I left the house and got back into my car to drive home, but once I reached the first stop sign of his street, the same one where he gave me a necklace in the snow of December for Christmas before I left to go up North to visit family, my eyes began to tear up, which eventually resulted in loud coughs of ugly cries. I was glad that Nathan didn't have to see me cry, but I still didn't understand why I was crying. All I knew was that I felt empty and alone. It wasn't because we're not dating, but because I felt like my friends are slowly drifting apart for each other. And I'm not ready to let go.